The Girl Who Is Nothing

My mother forced me to sit
at the table with the rest of
the family.
Anger swelled within me as
I saw the greasy, fat filled food
on the plate.


We prayed together and everyone
dug in.
I pushed my food around on my plate
and separated it into sections.
I was sitting there for over an hour
with a full plate.


I lie and say I had breakfast.
I lie and say my stomach hurts,
therefore I cannot eat lunch.
I lie and say that I ate a huge snack
right before dinner and that I'm not
a tad bit hungry.

People began to suspect, I suppose.
Mother sat down with me and had me
eat.


I shoveled everything down and immediately
took my place in my beloved bathroom.
I stuck my index and middle finger deep into
my mouth and dinner came up.
Music was blaring in the bathroom.


I go straight to the scale.
90 pounds.
Not enough.
Fat.
Worthless.
Nothing.


I go straight to bed.
I cry myself to sleep.

I cry in Math as candy is being
passed around the classroom.
I ate over 500 calories today.
I'm so stupid.
My math teacher had me spill
everything.
Next thing I know I am in a treatment center
on weight restoration.


Not enough.
Fat.
Worthless.
Nothing.


Red drips onto the tile.
Not enough.
Fat.
Worthless.
Nothing.

I see white.
Not enough.
Fat.
Worthless.
Nothing.


I am Nothing.
I am Gone.

Reviews

[....................]

A gripping description of a terrible disorder. You paint vivid pictures with your words - I witnessed all of it - and left me feeling sad for the subject and guilty at the same time because I will never fully know what it is like to suffer so. This is a great write! Thank you for sharing.

[Cera Perry-Johnson]

Thank you so much! That really means a lot (:

[....................]

You are quite welcome.

FT