torture

you can beat them

I know i used to shake just mentioning the word torture ,I have always been a neat person ,immaculate I care about my looks and everything ,you know even the touch of a stranger makes me shrink .                                                              Then ,only when i was in prison ..i knew what it meant ,keeping you for days without food ..you get used to it ,just lose some pounds ..                                                            But then no water ,starts to get heavy now ..you can take it for a day or two ,but before you collapse you get some sips.
 ..you urinate and else in the same room with dozens of inmates ..                      Now its when they call for you for interrogation ,now this is serious ..but then even that you can manage ..if they put nails in your skin so deep or lift you from you arms, keep you hanging from ceiling for hours ,i dont want to give you nightmares ,well ,here is what i used to do..................... Close your eyes and think of me ..i once knew a very lovely lady she was all graces ,i used to think of her.. and if it did not work i used to degrade myself ,as to think I was not but a bug there,or a rat ,something utterly useless ..I used to let my mind wonder as far as I can.. like to the other side of the world ,like i was not there at all ..                            Actually its only the beginning ,when you feel the brunt of it ,but if you knew how to play it well ,fear is like has never been ..you are among so many of them ,but you feel like you are alone ,in a dream ,and something nagging at you , but like its not real ,never real ..you feel pain agony, all your muscles twitch and hurt ,but its like from so long sleep in a bad position in bed ,and if you hear harsh words ,you cast them away like a voice from afar..                     Once you took in the first impact ,the rest is easy, now you can now open eyes and welcome them again,its like a new coming ,like start rehearsing your part all over again,from the very start .                       Ohhh.. what a happy life ,after that you laugh.. you are numb ,feel nothing ,its like you aneasthetized yourself ,you detached yourself from all surroundings ,you never feel anything now ,especially if their session lengthens ,after a while its as if they are playing with some other body,not yours ,and you are just looking and watching from aside .        They are amazed how well you are taking it ..until some one tells them to stop,or, he says :he will go.                                  Once I was brought down to ground ,from the too much exhuation ,i feel like i am in nice slumber ..                                 The hunger and thirst even more help to me than to them,when i am fast asleep at last i know that today session is over ..till tomorrow......                             Sweet dreams,close your eyes and think of me ,she says,and at last I go into coma I lie there in a coma smiling, you think as its from too much punching,its( now hearing voices),your tummy aches,dear,is it arms dear aching like separating from your body,oh naughty,too strong hugging me love(i hear her laughing),you almost choked me.. a tear drop runs down my face,i feel her lips drinking it before touching ground then like another face ,another sound,mother,come to mama,or come to me baby,mummy i hurt ,or i dont,, i dont know ,baby i ache all over,i feel a breast in my mouth,mama feeding me?,or or its so sweet love close ,I tickling her breast,everything so hazy,as i go back and forth ,faces alternate,as if in twilight ,or coma,or deep sleep,stupor,so deep i keep falling,weightless until i reach...nowhere

Author's Note

this may be too harsh to read

Reviews

[Rain]

NO, the truth is never too harsh. This is probably the most powerful account of being in a foreign prison. My friend escaped from an Ethiopia prison and wandered the desert for a week, before some Nomads found him. But, this is and incredible piece, because you describe what the body and mind does to survive. Can I ask who commited this torture ? Everyone here should read this. Without a full grasp of English, you wrote in a way all who reads will understand. Excellent, Moayad

[Emaan Zahra Ijaz]

I am at loss for words...really fantastic and well written !!!!!!
I love to read stories like this and this one is "WOW" !!!

[Carol Cashes]

God blessed you with talent and you survived to share it. We are most fortunate. Please post more. It's gritty and real without a trace of self-pity. Harsh? That's the point.

[bluessadmood]

Thank you so much,so glad you liked it.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Truth is hard. Your truth is art. No adequate words to say. Blessings, healing light and love from me...

[bluessadmood]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

You are very talented and very welcome!

[bluessadmood]

Thank you very much my friend..everyone can do it with faith and hard work..luckily in this stupid life we are free to sink in world of literature. .it's the best ,a world where I could live as I like..

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

No not many could. You are one of very few that recover from atrocities by reading and creating. You are a miracle...

[bluessadmood]

No dear,don't think there are miracles these days. .maybe God blessed me with some talent ,I always felt I was a little different,at playing with words..the rest came from hard work and lots of reading..anyone with dedication could do it...I really thank you though for the compliment..all the best.

[Ken Simm.]

Emma brought me here finally. I am at a loss. As if anything I say could change, alter, soften what you have endured. It is simply beyond me.
All I can do and will is say that I who hardly know you am now and always will be from now on your friend if you will accept me and I will remember this moment. Hopefully it will make me and the others who read this a better person.

[bluessadmood]

Ohh thank you my friend the honor will be mine to have you as a friend,so glad that you read this and liked it. .your words made me so happy,thank you

[R J Askew]

It is still an urgent read and always will be. And it is probably going on right now, somewhere.

[bluessadmood]

Ohh my friend ,so right you are,it is going on right now..looks like we are doomed for we were born on this side of the world with so much atrocities..some will think like, etc we did it..it's just some few stupid people who thought they could run a state like they wish..we just got liberated..the city like in ruins I am sure you hear through news..its an earthquake has just hit the city everything is in ruins all houses all vehicles they ruined everything and still it's going on and on..really tragic...thank you for reading my friend.

[emmajoy]

When you posted this had to tell you privately, by message, that i found it too hard to review.. so very hard. Meant to return, did not, could not.

Now near ten years older but no less shocked at what you endured.. i can say, hand on heart, that your words are heartbreaking. Your language feelings its way through that long period in your life, locked away, isolated, was hell on earth. But somehow, you survived to tell the terrible tale. Your words might be harsh to read but what happened was a darned more harsh. Tragic words, experiences that nobody should have to suffer.. written so coherently, so finely. Than you, my friend. Emma

[bluessadmood]

Ohh Emma dearest,how could I forget it..still remember the long hours at night waiting for you to post your lovely poems so I will enjoy and review..when I first logged in some month ago I was so traumatized we were just been liberated from ISIS when the army stormed in to mosul..it's like anightmare earthquake has just the city everything are just ruins here even our house down to the ground they burnt all our vehicles. ..and we fled to the other side..
When I had the chance to sign I to here..I was reluctant to talk to old friends for it will bring good memories I was not yet ready...
Still I could watch you are here at least my friends were well and intact..I just sign in to read maybe I will forget..it was a huge ordeal..simply I could need for days long to tell you how we suffered..but let's see if we could ever forget and somewhat get back to a normal life..it tells will not be easy I know...hope we talk again..I will tell how the world Emma dear has gotten really so terrible no respect to human lives or dignity..OK dearest,we will talk again..I was witness to so very horrible acts and atrocities..bye for now

[Alex Falkner]

I have read this a few times now, trying to get my head around it, I'm honestly not sure where to begin.
It is definitly pretty bloody harsh, but what is the point of writing a true event if you water it down?
This is blatently honest, it delves deep into the mind and exposes the "insanity" that torture creates.
I am thankful you managed to survive this, god bless, whoever yours is.

Tammy.

[bluessadmood]

thank you,life surly has strange ways to show us what it mean to be living..

[Barbara Walker]

My friend, my friend, it makes me so sad that you had to endure this torture. I will never comprehend how people can be so cruel to each other. They are so sick and twisted...I am thankful to God that two people you love came to help you make it through this. This is a truly horrifying account of how they torture not just the physically body, but the emotional and mental torture Wondering what they will do next, how bad it will be, will you survive in body and mind...The hate in this world is mind boggling...I am beyond happy that you made it through this ...I was going to say ordeal, but that doesn't even suffice!

[africa]

Well done.
Very imaginative. And plenty of things going on to enjoy.

[K. Blake]

wow, this is very intense. it sounds like you've went through some torturous times (literally). I can't imagine what that must have been like, but you've helped me get a rather clear picture. amazing and horrifying.