Great poem,like the repeat of the first and lines which fuses it into a lyrical unit, good use of imagery, and this inhale/exhale image is very clever, reminds me of a short poem by Goethe which I read a couple of days ago.Good work.
I agree with the idea of an anatomy within an anatomy. You explore the exchange, and cause and effect. Very surreal and left with a lot of room for our own exploration.
i drink the cold from a silence
that is debilitating and consuming
i can barely breathe
barely surviving
to write another word
. my lines got triggered by your post ... it's superbly written ... it's as if you wrote the anatomy of a moment within a moment ... i could see the other side--your side ... even though i'm not there at all ... your writing is very vivid ... i was able to relate to your words even though i have never experienced the emotion you speak of ...
I find the seasons fuel what and the way I write... the sun, god, how I hanker after it in the colder months. The sun means warmth, friends, memories, happiness, nostalgia... I can't help but wait for it impatiently.
Thank you for sharing your inspiring poem.
I do feel that, over time, you may want to come back and revise a few bits... but as I'm not sure what would make the poem better myself, I cannot suggest anything.
discover passionately and be a fool doing so.
im very interested in the impossible questions of this universe. or possibly the choices and actions of humanity. questions will always consume my mind.. more..