Note

Suicide does not kill the pain it just moves the pain to another person.

Breathing is not living and I am not dreaming, so whats the point in breathing.

I am screaming for your forgiveness but at the same time I don't trust you. I need you but I am afraid to hold your hand.

I cry in my sleep and my hand shakes when I eat.

It is my choice to die not anyone elses.

So this is my suicide note.

I urge for the cold blade dig deep in my skin as I carve out every wish and lie. I dig deeper and deeper in my ugly mind.

I am a waste of time.

I lose my grip of my life as I spiral down the rabbit hole.

This is not the answer to your whys because there will never be an answer ever to your why.

As I wrap these ropes around my neck  as my last breath escapes from my blue cold lips I say nothing but I think of everything.

Never in my life have I felt so hatred from somebody I have never met.

As about now I will meet him and maybe I’ll just cuss him out.

I am broken.

I am vile.

I am more scared than my wrist.

I will never be saved from all these four white walls that are closing in on me and all I wanted was for somebody to be there for me.

What I never understood was why didn't I open up.

I had my friends and family but before I tell them I go blank and stare at all these possibilities of hate and judgemental views of what they would have.

Breathing more heavy and breathing faster I faint underneath the sun's blazing heat.

So I close up tight and I hold on tight to what's left of my sanity.

I put a smile on my face and cry when no one is near.

I hide my wrists and look at others for scars just to know I'm not alone.

But nothing helps as I chug down some bleach.

I swallow some more pills and watch my bloodshot eyes spill tears.

The blood goes cold as I fall into a endless sleep.

I scream let me die as they take me down to a room with soft walls.

All I wanted was to sleep and to sleep and to sleep for just awhile.

To close my eyes and lets the lies run out of me lets the demons flow with my blood out of me.

I am sick of this world and their labels, but what I didn't see was what the worst label was.

The worst label of all was the one I put myself into.

Its to late to go back. I can not climb out of this hole I have pushed myself into.

The bridge has been burnt and my chains have been locked.

I really want to have a choice in this to be alive or to die. This is my choice just let me try!

I want redemption please oh god forgive me.

This is my suicide note and oh lord forgive me.

Author's Note

Never give up. Honestly, suicide is not a joke and hurts me to see kids laughing about it. Life is wonder full and stunning. Just to see the sun rise is a absolute miracle.