self-hate

A Story by blueiris

"blinded i can't see the end , so where do i begin ?" -one ok rock

Im sure if he walked past me in the street he wouldnt bother taking a second look and if he did he would be submerged by a feeling of disgust , this filthy appearence of mine would repulse him right away and that's probably what everyone feels like when they see me which makes me feel deeply sorry for the people that have to endure the pain of seeing me and being around me every single day for i am indisputably a massive eyesore , a pathetic slob that won't ever give her parents the satisfaction of seeing her succeed in life. i am indeed a huge failure , a disgrace to my family and friends . i am the ugly duckling except in my story i won't be turning into a majestic swan anytime soon . All of this has me really ashamed of myself , in feel unworthy of what i have and all the things i've been given the trust and faith my that people put in me seems like a weight that's dragging me further and deeper down this ocean of anxiety that im trapped in , sometimes i feel like i should just dissapear take a break from all this negativity and yet the only way out of this vicious cycle is to break it which im too afraid to do the thought of dying relentlessly invades my mind yet it is the thing that frightens me the most . how can it not frighten me im living a life full of self induced pain and misery treating both my body and mind like trash . my mind has become constantly occupied with obscure and ugly thoughts and my heart only houses self-loathing and pure hate for the person i've become.