Conversation With My Imaginary Someone

'Why am I crying?'

'I don't know.'

'Maybe I'm Wednesday's child.'

'No. You were born on a Thursday.'

'So... I have far to go?'

'If you believe that kind of thing.'

'How do you know when I was born, anyway?'

'I remember.'

'But you're me. And I don't remember.'

'I'm not you. I'm your subconscious.'

'The selfish id.'

'Yep.'

'Get out of there, Mandy.'

'No.'

'I mean it. Leave my subconscious alone.'

'It's not like I can tell anyone what I see.'

'That's not the point. What'd you tell them anyway?'

'Things.'

'My big, big secret. Nice one, Mandy.'

'Seriously. I know everything about you.'

'Clearly.'

'I do. By the way, don't eat that lollipop.'

'What? Why?'

'It's candle wax.'

'Shut up, Mandy! You're nothing, anyway.'

'I'm more than you are.'

'No, you're not. I created you. You're nothing but the most sorry fragment of my stupid little soul.'

'You're wrong. You didn't even create me on purpose.'

'Of course not. Why would I create something so annoying?'

'That means you can't control me.'

'Funny.'

'I mean it.'

'Sure, Mandy. More than me, yet no one else can see you. Spend all your time finding out what day of the week I was born on.'

'You're a b***h.'

'That's me, narcissist Mandy.'

'Such a sucker for sympathy.'

'Arrest me at once.'

'I hit the soft spot, didn't I?'

'The soft spot in my cold, hard heart. Yes, Mandy, you got to me. Everyone likes sympathy. I'm just devastated you found out I was one of them.'

'Spiteful b***h!'

'Originality, Mandy. If I'm a b***h then what are you?'

'The b***h's imaginary...'

'Friend?'

'You wish.'

'I was being nice, Mandy! Why ruin the Kodak moment?'

'Canon are better.'

'Whatever. Imaginary nemesis better?'

'Yeah.'

'Which means I'm in charge, imaginary. You're a trick of the mind.'

'And you're just miserable.'

'Wednesday after all?'

'I'm sure it was Thursday.'

'Is the poem true, anyway?'

'I don't know.'

'It isn't.'

'Non-believer.'

'Yes, Mandy.'

'No God?'

'None at all. Just a b***h and her annoying imaginary non-friend.'

'Non-friend?'

'Cheers.'