what you'd enjoy to avoid.

All the nights i cry in my room, you just stand outside my door.  But you never come in.

Listening.

To all of my tears dropping one my one.

To all of my fears shedding two by two.

To all of what i pray to God, hoping maybe there's more up there.

More than just air.

If only you could see behind that door.  You would see the knife against my wrist.  You would see the blood fall on my floor.

So you sit in your room, forming a lie.  Trying to tell yourself that i'll be alright.  You look back on it all, to see where you went wrong.  Only to find that i have always been this way.

If only you knew, if you could try to understand.

You would not be so blinded my the blood stained paper.

The papers spread across my floor.

Each addressed to someone different.  But you dare not to open these letters, in fear of what you might read.

What you might find out, what you might so happen to learn about me.

 

the beat of my heart,

the beat of my steps,

the beat of my breaths,

and all that i have left.

 

Author's Note

maybe i seem like a fraud. with all this cutting and what not.
but i actually did experience this.
the notes, the scars, blah blah blah.
i'm just not so good with putting i into words.
but i did the best i could.