What am I doing?

What am I supposed to do? So many thoughts running through my mind. Can't stop for a second and be calm. Always having to be the tough one. Smiling through the pain. Can't even show the pain I'm suffering through. The pain is too much to carry. Ripping me to pieces. I can no longer sew them back together. I'm lost... I don't know what to do anymore. No will power to fight anymore. Hard to walk on my own two feet. I don't know what to do anymore. What am I supposed to do anymore. Scared to talk, to open up to anyone. Why let someone.. Can't even talk bout or type it out. I'm so lost and don't know what to do anymore. I'm to afraid to ask or admit to myself that I need help. I'm trying as best as I could to fight everyday, every hour, every second just to be here. But what is the point when I don't even feel alive. I feel nothing, just numb. What is my existence? Why am I alive? The pain is seeping out of me and I can no longer hold it in. What am I doing? Why am I even here? What am I supposed to do? I have no emotions. I don't know what they are anymore. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. Just keeps repeating over and over in my head. Can't tell my dad, my brothers, my friend nor my loved one. Just smile and laugh as it eats me away. But it no longer is eating at me. It has consume everything. I no longer have control of it. It just there. It's a part of me. So well hidden and sneaky. I just let time pass me by. Nothing make sense to me. I'm just here to be here.

Reviews

[Carol Cashes]

Reads like running panicky thinking, which could work for this piece, however, there is a lot of repetition that could be removed or changed. And, Lord! WHAT is this "pain" that you can't divulge to anyone and is tearing you apart? The piece doesn't have to spell it out, but a hint would give this more depth. You have captured the runaway thinking of someone who is hanging on by a thread, but we need a little more of what, and less repeating "what to do" phrases. AARRGGHH!! Tell Miz Carol all 'bout it, baby, and we'll see what we can do...*laughing* Kindly Auntie just came out of nowhere, but your cries for help in this piece pulled her right outta me!