Things Get Better,right?

Some days,I just want to bury myself in bed,comforted by my blankets and pillows and never come out.                                  

 

 

Some days I cannot get you out of my head,some days I scream and shout for some sign,there's no reply,so I'll just sit here and wonder why.

 

Some days I'll ignore the blue and scream at a grey sky,there's no silver lining in sight.I'm too preoccupied with my own endless fight,against myself,how I'm not good enough,what I should have done,what I see in the mirror what I choose to hear.

 

Why am I sad,why do things seem so bad.Do things get better? I'm just a competitor is this endless rat race,

 

there's scars on my body and face,Gentle reminders of what I've done,there's nothing that's been won.

 

I guess I'll just cry,and bury my head in my hands,I'm not meant for this,everything seems as useless as trying to count sand on a seashore,

I just dont care anymore.                                        

Author's Note

please review

Reviews

[Dr. Wood ?]

well things certainly DO get better than this situation...You paint a very bleak picture here. I am too old fashioned, I suppose but I prefer poetry to be written as such...Just me probably..Parts of this really work but I do feel you have tried to include rhymes...This style of writing is most likely better without them, unless they are more subtly introduced..Just my opinion..do not beat me up over it...

[imatotalboss]

It's a bleak story ;) and why would i beat you up? thanks for your opinion. :)

[Kyle]

I like the intensity and emotion....

you need to space this one out big time. I had to adjust my screen in order to read it. Hit the enter button a few times and use some white space. Its free after all. :0)

[imatotalboss]

Thank you so much,I was trying to finger out how to space it out better :D

[imatotalboss]

*figure... XD

[TLK]

I take a kinder view of this than Dr. Wood. I think this piece says something really important about growing up. I wish I could say that "this is how teenagers feel, it gets better," but that would not necessarily be true. Therefore it has value in terms of subject matter.
As a poem, it might not be accepted by many people. (Add line breaks and people would call it a poem. But why? Does it attack the eye differently just because you press enter more?). However, I'd say this is a good attempt at prose poetry. Here's a definition:
The prose poem is a type of poetry characterized by its lack of line breaks. Although the prose poem resembles a short piece of prose, its allegiance to poetry can be seen in the use of rhythms, figures of speech, rhyme, internal rhyme, assonance (repetition of similar vowel sounds), consonance (repetition of similar consonant sounds), and images.

Here's a professional prose poem:
The Riddle of the Sphinx
Sometimes, sound asleep, she lets out cries, foetal and almost unutterable, rousing you into sudden listening. The riddle of the sphinx must have been posed like this--howled--moaned--wept. You listen intently for an instant, try to decipher the inconsolable hieroglyphs, then embrace her without thinking. Shadow of a bird of prey passing, the unnamed sadness dissolves --in silence--or sometimes is repeated in the deafening howl of a delivery truck stalled in early morning traffic.
-- Peter Wortsman


What makes this piece become poetry as well as prose is the half rhymes, such as better and competitor. Also, there are some areas of conventional rhymes as well, such as done and won.
All I would add is some more imagery. Imagery is really important to make sure it's not just prose, it's a prose poem. Perhaps the blankets and pillows could actually become the sky. You are lying in bed, screaming at the sky, but they are the same thing. You are swaddled endlessly in the same substance, there is no escape from the closeness of eternity.