Dancing Symphona,

Please review this as critically as you can,thank you.(:

Sleeping in my bed eyes close body still,but words are dancing in my head.

 

Beautiful symphonies,of a song not yet written,the soft touch of the future...warnings of a poison apple not yet bitten,temptation,an infatuation,all cascading across the ballroom of my mind,       

 

 

It's like being held captive,like your in a bind,beautiful melodies twisting through my body.           

 

 

Take his hand,you know you want to,so afraid his words were never true...afraid he will be the end of you,a deadly two-step through the thorns of those beautiful red roses,Love is a dangerous thing,to some it only brings,sorrow,heartbreak,a stake in your heart,            

 

 

you wish you hadnt parted,it was doomed to happen as soon as you started it,a cornucopia of an endless enigma...                       

 

 

It's not hopless,my sweetheart,we can start again,kick off your shoes,and we can dance.            

 

 

Dance until your gorgeous eyes open,and then,I'll be gone...Not forever my love,just until you drift away,               

 

Again the music starts to play a dancing Symphona,playing again in your beautiful head.

Author's Note

Short,but beautiful.

Reviews

[Bertie]

Immediately the thing that struck me about this from the first stanza is the fairytale/folkloric elements, which immediately gives that intangible whimsical feel, I think this sets you up very well for the rest of the poem...

In the second stanza bit, I don't know about "Love is a dangerous thing" that notion is already implied by what you say previously, I think maybe it's just too blatant and for me your writing style is better than that, you could take it out and we would still know that that is what you meant...Maybe that's harsh of me, but the phrase "love is a dangerous thing" is cliche and I hate cliches! haha!

A beautiful, gentle ending, really very touching well done :) And your internal rhyming is there and clever without being obtrusive :)
I enjoyed reading this, well done ! x

[Carianne]

Very creative. You used a nice set of vocabulary, and it really gave the poem some feeling. However, it was a bit difficult to read. Take capitalization and punctuation into consideration to make the poem more presentable... otherwise you might lose the interest of the reader without them even getting through the first stanza. Over all, you did a pretty fair job. Keep up the good work!

[Irvette Dauphine]

this is beautiful and nice written..
but, it a little bit mess and make i confuse to read it..

[quarintine_deathangel]

change this line: through the thorns of those beautiful red roses, TO : through a meadow of thorned, red, rose bushes
One it uses alliteration, two it rhymes and three it confuses dictionary definition in language when you read it, allowing you to wow the reader. Although, you're the writer and it's fine the way it is. Also, the vocabulary ou incorporate is pretty captivating. Very much enjoyed, thanx for writing ^.^