Sad Eyes

My alarm goes off and immediatly the feeling hits me. I feel like my eyes are nothing but black hollow holes in my skull. I feel like I've literally cried my eyes out. I feel like everywhere I look, people are staring, judging, even my own mother, peering over me wondering if I'm okay. I feel like my eyes are always burning, stinging. I feel like there's nothing left of them. They're definitely sunken in black hollow holes that have been through too much pain, torture, crying, everything. 

They sting from the moment I wake up, to the moment I fall asleep at night. 

"What the f**k?" My mom says, looking at me, now on the other side of the room by the door. 

"What?" I ask. 

"Why are your eyes all red?" She asks. 

"I have eyes?" 

"Are you on drugs, Alexandria?" My mom asks in that voice that has verbally abused me all my life. 

Not only has she verbally abused me, but she's also physically abused me my whole life.

My dad stands and watches. Doesn't even stick up for his own daughter. 

"No. I'm not on drugs." I answer. 

"Why are your eyes all red? And why do you think you don't have eyes?" 

"They're probably just red from crying. And I don't know. Sorry mother."

"Why the hell were you crying? Weak a*s." 

"Um..  I watched a really sad movie last night." I lied. 

My mother doesn't know my secret. 

My father doesn't know my secret.

My sister doesn't know my secret. 

My family doesn't know my secret.

My one friend doesn't know my secret. 

No one at my high school knows my secret.

No one.. 

I repeat no one.. 

except one person knows what happened a month into summer.

On top of being abused at home, that happened over the summer. Three times. And it scarred me forever. I also lost my Aunt, Uncle, and three cousins in a car accident two weeks ago. I tried to overdose on pills one week ago, and I just go out of the hospital. 

Life is great here. Just f*****g great. 

And there's so much more. So much more none of you know. 

I can't talk to people. It doesn't work well. 

My mom leaves, and I get up, hurry to my door, go to lock it, and remember that my mom replaced my lockable door handle with a non-lockable one because I was locking myself in my room so she wouldn't hit me any longer. 

Plus I have no friends but one. Eddy. 

Also my crush, but I have no time for a relationship. I'm not steady myself.