A Woman Conquered

it speaks for itself...

I hate that I love you…as oxymoron as that sounds I do.

The thoughts that consume my mind and the feelings that rest in my heart for you tear me apart because often

I struggle with the idea that maybe you don't feel the same, and one thing I am confident in is knowing that just maybe, just maybe

You don't share those same feelings.

That maybe you don't think of me throughout your day, or get excited at the thought of what it would be like to hold me again, but I do and that 's just a small portion of the memories that I find myself rewinding in my mind.

I think I do well of masquing the truth that I want you to want me so bad, that you would do anything to keep me around, from walking away, or even feeling as though I'm not enough for you. I want to be your #1. and only...

If I had it my way, I'd be your wife hands down, because in you I've found my own version of pure Gold a treausre worth holding onto, but in the midst of all my desires, I realize that a man should feel the same about a woman.

And in my heart I know I'm not your treasure. I'm not that sparkle in your eye, or a reason to toss and turn at night, dreaming

I'm just a girl who you randomly met, by accident, or coincidence, none the less, How could anything remotely serious spawn out of what we have? We know nothing of each other except for a total of seven days and that's rounding up, and if we could be completely honest…all we know are words. Words that could be pretend truths and false pretenses that have served as my very foundation of loving you.

I'm afraid. That this is not real, and that one day I will wake up from this dream and it will become my reality that you never really existed. That I never knew your kiss but only in a cloud in my mind.

You keep me so far away, and all we have is distance baby, that I wouldn't know how to be close to you if the opportunity was even given. I'm so afraid that I've spent the past three years of my life seeking a man's heart who desires not to be sought after…matter of fact, I know you don't want to be caught, because you are a traveling man' who loves to explore ladies, the continents, the challenges put before you. You fight til you conquer and your quest no longer lies with me.

I'm sad because I've become unknown to you, no longer are you familiar or sweet or daring or fresh…

You are as faded as the pair of jordache's I wore in 92'. And that stings my soul to say…because

Even in this paragraph love finds it's way to slip in between punctuations and line breaks

And settles in my eyes as they leak…drops of heaviness, because I'm lonely.

I never thought I would be at the place where I was afriad to talk to you.

Afraid to dial your number.

Afriad to call you friend

Afriad you don't love me

Afraid you never will

Afraid that seven days is all we will ever get

Afraid that the kiss was so good, I'll never be satisfied with another

Afraid that I played myself

Afraid that I feel for you

Afraid because I let you catch me

And now afraid because I can sense you letting go…

I'm afraid.

And hurt

And honest

Yet closed up

Because brokeness to me is my reality.

I have managed to let a man who only existed to me for years behind keys and blank screens

Fool me into thinking that I was something...

Somebody special

Somebody wanted

Somebody admired

Somebody beautiful

Somebody spoken for

Somebody confirmed

And all I am

Is just another "check"

On your list…

Added to the roster of

A woman conquered.

Reviews

[All*son]

Wow. Breath taking. My heart skipped a couple beats reading this.