Dosent Make It Musik

Dosent Make It Musik

A Poem by BLitZeD

Instrumentals on, doesn't make it music, 
I'm not a f*****g rapper, I'm just writing new s**t 
Find the words amusing, curses don't get muted 
F*****g rip this s**t, b***h what the f**k do you think
I tell it how it is, yet a story tellers music
Metaphors and blueprints, 
Mechs destroyed, your loosing
Metallic pulse in shoe prints
Magnetic tech in two rings, a few kinks
 This is poetry, what the f**k did you bring  
Loose my place but not my thoughts, repeating myself in ink
Really I'm on the brink, close to the edge, kitchen sink 
What would Poe say, what would Pac think, 
Would they idolize you if they critiqued your s**t
Marry had a little lamb and then you slaughtered it 

© 2015 BLitZeD


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sounds like a good rap to me,but what the hell do i know,i am the wordman and not poe
i could hear the song,and the music,but when you slaughtered that lamb you made me lose it !

Posted 8 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ok, I'm going to be brutally honest here. Is this a rough draft? If it is, it definitely has potential. I will break it down and tell you what I like and what I think needs work.

"Instrumentals on, doesn't make it music,
I'm not a f*****g rapper, I'm just writing new s**t"

The beginning is perfect. It makes me think that these aren't just lyrics, but poetry.

"Find the words amusing, curses don't get muted
F*****g rip this s**t, b***h what the f**k do you think"

The first line I like, the second line is confusing and a bit too long. I think you could shorten it a bit and it would flow better.

"This is poetry, what the f**k did you bring
Loose my place but not my thoughts, repeating myself in ink"

I like this a lot, only "loose" should be "lose", but otherwise this is really good.

"Really I'm on the brink, close to the edge, kitchen sink
What would Poe say, what would Pac think,"

This is a little awkward. I don't think you need to use the word "really" in the beginning of that verse, and "kitchen sink" doesn't feel like it fits. It just seems like you needed something to rhyme with "think". This is just a random idea, but you could say something like, "I'm on the brink, afraid I'll sink" and it would flow better with the last line, which I LOVE! "What would Poe say, what would Pac think," is my favorite line in this poem.

"Would they idolize you if they critiqued your s**t
Marry had a little lamb and then you slaughtered it"

This is a really strong finish. I really liked it. However, it's "Mary" not "Marry", but that's just a simple fix.

Overall, it is really good. Thank you for inviting me to review it!

"Metaphors and blueprints,
Mechs destroyed, your loosing"

Again, I really like this! It's perfect, except I think you meant to write "losing" not "loosing"?

"Metallic pulse in shoe prints
Magnetic tech in two rings, a few kinks"

I like it, but again, the last line is a little long and interrupts the flow. If you dropped the "a few kinks" it would flow perfectly.





Posted 8 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

BLitZeD

8 Years Ago

damn gada say i never had someone break it down like that, so i thank you for your time . i know my .. read more
BLitZeD

8 Years Ago

p.s no kitchen sink was chosen, i dont just put words to rhyme, i like to tell a story, in my though.. read more
Colene Pefley

8 Years Ago

That makes more sense. You should add that as a note, so people reading it know how it is supposed t.. read more
Amazing. Intense work. I love the adaptive style that is yours

Posted 8 Years Ago


BLitZeD

8 Years Ago

highly apreciated
annalysiar

8 Years Ago

You're welcome. Thanks for letting me read
Oh F**k! BLitzTed...love this...Poe and Pac would love it...well Poe would antyway. Dig your style!

Posted 8 Years Ago


BLitZeD

8 Years Ago

lmao thank you much miss calamity

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Added on November 29, 2015
Last Updated on November 29, 2015

Author

BLitZeD
BLitZeD

New Jersey Devil, FL



About
i give them the plans i drew up with thoughts methodically calculated and so intricately placed , every outcome was accounted for and algebraically related. f*****g statistically graced, like .. more..

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