Skylit Eyes

Told from her point of view, third person, and his point of view.

Somewhere on a grassy hill

we lay together

your arms around me

my head on your chest

dark blue shines brightly above

with twinkling little dots called stars

we gaze up

with our skylit eyes 

crickets create a symphony of sound

with a tweet from a midnight bird here and there

trickling water sounds off from a near by creek

i hear your heart beat faster and faster 

Somewhere on a grassy hill

lay two lovers

laced in one another's arms

her head on his chest 

the dark blue shines brightly above

with twinkling little dots called stars

they gaze 

with their skylit eyes

a symphony of crickets sound

with a scarce tweet from a midnight bird

a creek off to the side offers trickling water

she hears his heart beat faster and faster 

Somewhere on a grassy hill

we lay together 

you in my arms

your head on my chest

the dark blue shines brightly above

twinkling dots called stars shine

we gaze up

together with our skylit eyes

we can hear a symphony of crickets sound

with a random tweet from a midnight bird

a creek offers us the sound of trickling water 

I hope she can hear my heart beat faster and faster 

Author's Note

Don't know? what do you think?

Reviews

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

Good job on this. It does have a twist about it...I agree with Austin basically. I liked it though. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Gracie-San]

I thought it was good, but I do agree with another reviewer in that each poem should have it's own slight twist, or it's own interpretation of each perspective instead of having whole phrases repeated.

Maybe pick one or two lines that will be repeated in each perspective, then work your way around that to create the same story but with different descriptions.

[Hippy]

i really liked it i feel that each point should have a slight twist to lead to the same end but its really good i loved each one

[SobrietyHaze]

Very nice

[Allison]

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's really cool becuz the different points of view all tell the same story.

[MiidniightSoul]

This is awesome. I loved that you used three different point of views discribing the same situation. Loved it. It's a beautiful and cute poem. Very well written. Great job on this.