Chapter 12

        I never thought I could be happy.  Not like this.  Christine made everything in my life better in every way.  We talked about everything.  We debated on things like movies, music, politics, my sanity.  We never really argued, we only disagreed loudly then quickly made up.  I was usually the first to cave in.  I could never be mad at her for long about anything.  Christine was perfect and her imperfections made her that way.  I never believed in true love or soul mates or any of that cheesy crap.  But if I did, she fit those definitions.

        It was a couple of weeks before we had sex.  Up till then we just made out and fooled around.  The first time with her was like losing my virginity all over again.  It was awkward but good in a way it had not been with Nicole.  I fucked Nicole, but I made love to Christine.  Christine was the perfect lover to me.

        I was happy as amazing as it seemed, but there was no other way to put it.  I no longer felt paranoid, and I no longer had nightmares.

        I visited Christine when she went to work a lot.  Her boss hated me, I could tell.  He was younger than I expected probably only a few years older than her.  

        “I think he wants to f**k you,” I told her one night.

        She laughed and said, “Well you’re the only guy I want Johnny.”  We kissed passionately and then made love.

        “I’ve seen the way he looks at you and then looks at me,” I said a few hours as we were cuddled in bed together.

        “Baby, are you that bothered by it?”

        “I just don’t like the way he leers at you.”

        “Well I can’t quit or anything, I need the money, especially since you’re staying here now.”

        I winced at that last part and she caught it either on my face or the stiffening of my body.

        “Baby I didn’t mean it like it was a bad thing,” she said stroking my face and kissing my chest.

        “I know baby, I just feel guilty that I’m not bringing in any cash.”

        “Johnny we’ve talked about this, it’s too dangerous.  What if something happened to you?”

        “I think I’ve made it clear that I’m capable of taking care of myself in any kind of physical altercation.”

        “Not what I meant and you know it.”

        She meant the fact that if I killed someone who recognized me I’d have to leave.  And I couldn’t just uproot her like that, there really was no winning in the situation.

        “It’ll be okay Johnny, I promise.”

        I believed her.

 

        I stopped going to work with Christine everyday after a while.  I told her being in the same public place all the time was too risky and I didn’t want to get her unnecessarily involved in anything because I was paranoid her boss would try to hit on her.  We both knew I was right so I started staying in the apartment.

        I hadn’t been listening to as much death metal lately, I’m not sure why.  I guess a lot of it just seemed to blend together after a while.  I started listening to the Smiths and Billy Bragg and the Clash.  I was starting to diversify my music selections.  Christine introduced me to some really good electronic music that honestly took me a while to really get much less get into, but I never said a negative thing to her about it.

        I started reading a lot more too.  There really wasn’t that much to do so I went through my books rather quickly.  I enjoyed Orson Scott Card, Neil Gaiman, Chuck Palahnuick, Bret Easton Ellis and Charles Bukowski.  One book that I thought was really good but trippy was House of Leaves, it was really original and gripping.  I had some trouble getting into Edgar Allan Poe at first but after a while I enjoyed his writing cause I felt like here was a mind as warped as mine.

        When Christine would come home I’d start cooking dinner (I felt I had to do something for the angel) and we would talk about her day.  I always avoided talking about her boss and she did too.  We both knew what made me uncomfortable to talk about.  I think Christine was very wary of what made me upset and avoided those things when we talked.  She didn’t want me to go killing anyone.

        But then that night came.

 

        Christine came home and I could tell she was upset about something.

        “Baby, what’s wrong?” I asked hugging her and kissing her forehead.

        “Nothing,” she said trying to hold back tears.

        “Christine, please tell me what happened baby,” I looked into her eyes and tears started leaking from them and I almost started crying myself.

        “He fired me,” was all she said looking down.

        “What?” 

        “The b*****d fired me.”

        “Why did he fire you?”

        “Because I slapped him.”

        I could tell where this was going but I pressed her anyway, “Why did you slap him baby?”

        “He tried to rape me,” she said before bursting into tears and burying her face into my chest.  “He told me he knew I wanted him, tried to grab me and touch me but I started slapping and hitting him and then he pushed me against the wall and tried to pull my pants down but I kneed him in the dick and ran away and he screamed that I was fired.” 

        I was shaking.  I was going to kill the m**********r.  He would not live past the next hour.  I would find him, I would torture him, I would castrate him, then I would kill him.

        Christine just wrapped her arms around my chest tight and started begging me to calm down.  But no matter how much I loved this girl, there would be no calming down for me, not until that b*****d was dead.

        Christine was pleading something to me but I was moving towards the door, gently prying her off me.  Then I was out and on my way to deliver death.

        He saw me coming when I made my way to the store.  He was just locking up, red hand shaped prints on his cheeks and a black eye already forming.

        “Oh s**t,” he said when I came up to him.

        I didn’t say anything.  I just threw him into the door and then finally through it.  As he was doubled over, I kicked him in the gut and then the crotch.  I stomped on his face and could hear his nose break after a kick across his face.  Then I pulled out my dagger.

        “Pull off your pants,” I said in a very calm scary voice.

        “W-why?” he stuttered terrified.

        “You’re going to pay for what you tried to do.  Before I end your pathetic life I’m going to make you suffer.  You picked the wrong girl to try to rape m**********r.”

        “Please, please, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry please, oh God.”

        “God won’t help you tonight, you’re in the clutches of the devil.”

        “I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die,” he started crying.

        “Well that’s too f*****g bad, cause that’s just what’s going to happen you piece of s**t.”

        I slashed his pants off and stomped on his testicles some more and then started stabbing until there was no way to tell that a dick and balls had ever been there.  I let him cry and beg some more after that.  I could have killed him but I wanted him to bleed out some.  I wanted this rapist piece of s**t to suffer to die a horrible painful death.  

        “F**k!” he screamed over and over again.

        “You’re f*****g annoying me,” I told him and then pried his mouth open and cut out his tongue. 

        He screamed so loudly but could make no real words.

        “You do realize you tried to rape my girlfriend and that I am Johnny Sikow right?” I asked him after a couple of minutes.  His eyes went wide in recognition but he really couldn’t say anything to my declaration.

        “Johnny stop this, just kill him and let‘s leave, please!”

        I turned and there was Christine, her face wet from crying.  Seeing her like that finally calmed me down.  It was hurting her more to see me lose control and risk my safety than what the b*****d had done.

        “Look away Christine.”

        I turned back to the wanna be rapist and slashed his throat so bad that his head was almost cut off.  He was dead pretty soon after that because of all the lose of blood.

        I stood up and walked over to her.  She looked at me and I looked away guiltily and she grabbed my chin and pulled face to hers and kissed me deeply and we hugged tightly.

        “I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

        “I know Baby.”

        Then we heard and saw the siren.  Someone had called the cops.

        I grabbed Christine’s hand and we started running.  

        “Where are we going to go?” she asked as we ran.

        “I don’t know,” I answered her honestly.

        As we raced down an ally, a police car pulled up at our only exit at the end, when we turned around the other car was blocking our only escape.

        “Freeze,” I heard a voice yell at us from the direction we were headed.

        “Holy s**t! That’s Johnny Sikow,” yelled a voice from the way we’d come.

        “Open fire! Open fire!”

        I ducked but Christine had slipped out from my grasp and did not realize what I was doing.  She tried to block the bullets that would have hit me if I had still been standing.  Instead the love of my life, my soul mate was massacred by a spray of bullets.

        I stared silently as her body fell to the ground tears forming in my eyes as I looked at her mutilated body.  

        I started breathing heavy and then a demonic yell escaped from my throat that quickly turned into a heart piercing cry of anguish.  I cradled her lifeless body in my arms and rocked back and forth.  My love, my Christine had been taken from me.  I could hear the cops approaching in the background of my hearing.

        “Oh s**t,” I heard one of them mutter.

        My head snapped up, my eyes burning with tears and leapt on the cop and started stabbing him wildly.  I heard the other cop curse and felt a bullet pierce my shoulder, but no pain registered.  I turned on him and threw my dagger at him, it became lodged in his left eye.  I jumped on top of him like a rabid animal and started slashing and stabbing at him, not caring if or when I killed him.

        Eventually I stopped caring about inflicting pain on those cops and turned to my sweet Christine and picked up her body and took her to the nearest graveyard.  I found a casket that was waiting to be sold and placed her inside.  I then dragged her casket to an unmarked area that didn’t seem to be for burial and started digging.  I dug a proper grave for her and buried her.  I wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words.  I found an unused tombstone and carved into it with my dagger:

 

Here lies Christine Sikow

Friend, Lover, Partner

May she find peace in the afterlife

 

        I didn’t know if I truly believed in an afterlife, but if anyone deserved to go to one, it was Christine.  Yeah, I gave her my name.

 

        I went on the road, depressed like never before.  Eventually that depression turned to anger and from that anger I made a vow to myself: I would kill every single person I could until the day I died.

        And I knew exactly where to start.  The beginning of the end would start at home.