Out of Line

...the way you make me feel...

 

When I see you I want to dance,

When I touch you I want to sing,

Boy, you can’t begin to comprehend

The feelings that you bring.

 

You make me open up my heart,

And pour out all the passion.

When you’re near me I can only think

About our shared attraction.

 

You can call me crazy,

An obsessive, smitten girl.

But right in the palm of your hand,

You completely seize my world.

 

And when your lips touch mine,

The earth entirely turns around.

All it takes is one little kiss

To make my feet depart from the ground.

 

I’ve lost feeling in all my limbs,

And although I say I’m fine,

When it comes to coloring the pictures,

You’ve got me out of line.

Author's Note

Not one of my best, but I liked it.

Reviews

[None]

I'll say it again...you are so talented! Your poem is very well constructed but besides that, so unique in the sense that your wrote a love poem that didn't include the usual words and phrases. This is fresh and beautiful, just like your love.
What fantastic energy throughout...."But right in the palm of your hand,
You completely seize my world."
I very much enjoyed it all and your last stanza laced with your lovely words and ideas ended this perfectly!

[Nicholas Hallows]

I liked it too! It has a youthful and honest energy about it especially apparent in the first stanza.
I stumbled a bit on the line 'To make my feet depart from the ground.' It might flow better without the 'from' and then it will have the same rhythm as 'The earth entirely turns around'. Just a suggestion :)
Good write! (even if you don't think it is one of your best)
NH

[Lucinda Bogart]

This is so spirited and happy....awesome !! I love the gusts of emotion !!

[Steffi]

I liked this one.
The only thing i really thing needs to be fixed would be the first set. Something about it just doesnt seem to flow well with the rest of the piece. It seems...out of place for a lack of a better term
But thats all i can really say needs to be fixed about it.

[smiggle wiggle]

i really like this! the last line is awesome! i love how you make it bigger then the rest of the poem.

[Tania Leigh]

I like this....a very honest, sweet glimpse at your feelings towards your loved one....I love the last two lines...a clever metaphor for the way he makes you feel out-of-control-crazy-in-love with him.
Very cool!