Devotion

...the hardest part is letting go...

 

It was a rainy Friday night,

When I found him on the floor.

I heard a groan escape his lips,

As I walked through the front door.

 

I rushed him to the hospital,

Watched him hooked up to the screen.

Now he has strings like a puppet,

The saddest sight I’ve ever seen.

 

That was the night I lost him,

Nothing would ease my pain.

I began to shake violently.

Had I gone completely insane?

 

In my sorry, pathetic state,

I slept and began to dream.

An angel appeared before me,

As bright as the Sun’s beam.

 

“I can take away your sorrow,

I can erase him from your head.

Just give me the word, my dear,

And you’ll forget he’s dead.”

 

It seemed to be a good idea,

A quick and easy escape.

The memories kept playing,

Like a never-ending tape.

 

But what good would it do,

I’d never remember the fun,

Nor the romantic evenings,

On a blanket under the sun.

 

The feeling of his hand on mine,

His soft breath against my cheek.

His tender lips upon mine own,

The future began to look bleak.

 

Although my heart was bleeding,

I refused the angel’s offer.

When I meet with my love again,

I will remember his last whisper:

 

“Never forget me.”

Reviews

[Lea Jane]

This poem is basically about a woman who has lost a man very dear to her and an angel offers her the option to forget she ever knew him, to ease her suffering. She contemplates, and makes her decision...

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Excellent poetry....I can say no more.

[Cold Coffee Magazine]

It sounds like it was a very tragic ay in yourlife one you couldn't possibly forget. I feel like there is more to be said here that there things you've harnessed and are afraid to let go of or hold private. Do you write to heal? If so you may want to let those feelings, those thoughts out. I can tell you put thought into this and I think if you tap your deepest feelings, the ones that power the tear ducts, you might find you've spilled your heart onto the page. I've read work were it seems like the writer took a knife and plunged it directly into their heart and spilled blood directly from onto the page. You can tell those works from the ones where the feelings are genuine like yours but maybe reined in just a tad.

I guess what it comes down to is what you seek to do with your writing. Like I aked are you trying to heal from the terrible ordeal? Are you seeking literary greatness? Are you just making notes to self?

You are obviously a gifted writer, better than most, but when I read something like this I want to,

"Taste the salty tears pelting the windows of your soul"

"Feel the passage of his soul like a warm breath on a frigid day."

Stuff like that, stuff that grips your imagination and emotions and holds them for ransome.

I reccomend you read T L bohem's work. She is one of my favorites even though I'm pretty sure I mispelled her name. You and she write with simular flair.

Hey, please don't take this as my being over critical. If I didn't like the piece I wouldn't take the time to review it.

Peace be with you.

Dave

[TL Boehm]

oh this one put such a lump in my throat. Lyrical and sad, bittersweet and vivid writing here. It pulls at my heart.

[smiggle wiggle]

I absolutely love it! It has so much emotion and the wording is amazing!

[Tania Leigh]

Bravo! This is excellent....my favorite poem of yours yet. Drama, love, sorrow, sweetness....it has it all!