Poison

...watching your loved one slowly kill themselves...

 

Raise the butt to your lips,

Blow out the smoke.

Excuse me for leaving,

But I’m starting to choke.

 

I guess that the nicotine

Surging through your veins,

Is worth all the fighting,

Your pleasure, my pain.

 

I’m sorry I can’t ignore it,

But I don’t know what else to do.

Baby, I’d like to see you live,

Past the age of thirty-two.

 

Now you try to hide it,

Alone behind closed doors.

But I can still smell it on your breath,

On the clothes that lie on your floor.

 

You say I’m being immature,

I don’t know what it’s like.

But you’re the one who is naïve,

I’m waiting for the cancer to strike.

 

I only want to help you,

And instead you push me away.

I love you more than life itself,

But it’s become too hard to stay.

 

Goodbye my beautiful baby,

In my eyes you were so strong.

But if you can’t live without the drug,

I’ll miss you when you’re gone.

Reviews

[Steffi]

I really liked this one!
My grandmother and grandfather both died from smoking so the plucks a few strings of my own heart.
But the way you portrayed someone trying to convince the person they care about that they want them to stop smoking to be around and not go for something so stupid was amazing.
"Raise the butt to your lips,
Blow out the smoke.
Excuse me for leaving,
But I'm starting to choke."

[Beth]

Good, strong poem. I like how you keep the tone continuous throughout.

You make some good points here - you'll find there are a lot of sympathetic people.

[smiggle wiggle]

This is really good! Great job!

[EdFutinski]

oh,my god!this is so full of crap that i'll light 2 cigarettes simultaneously,seriously.HAAAHHHAAAA.This is so low...By the way,i'm from a third world country so you'll excuse me being a monkey,right?
oh,ps:the writing is also bad
ps2:write about alcholol too,you're good

[Bubo]

Gosh, and I'm trying to give up..........great message here and one I should take note of!!
The flow is spot on too...........

[Tania Leigh]

Excellent message here, should make your loved one rethink....