Hidden

Friends,

family,

lover,

acquaintances...

those who say that they know me well,

cannot answer questions,

do not know what troubles me,

do not see the pain hidden behind every smile,

do not feel the agony behind the pleasure,

do not know the dark thoughts that swirl within my mind.

You do not see the images repeating themselves behind my eyes,

do not hear the mental anguished cries,

do not feel how badly i sometimes want to die,

do not see the great and terrible sadness inside.

But i do not blame you,

you do the best you can,

but i hide it deep inside so i attach this

fake smile again,

this mask i wear so none may see,

none may penetrate,

none may get in my head,

behind the scenes i make all

the necessary preparations for when i am dead,

secretly i am planning,

planting seeds,

making sure that when i am gone

those that i love will be able to move on.

Oh but the pain,

it is not just physical,

no,

i can handle that,

it is the mental....

that gnawing doubt,

the fear,

the terror that plagues me every night and day,

i sing and laugh in an attempt to keep it at bay,

that evil creeping darkness,

that twisting poison from which

there is no redoubt,

no escape,

no light can reach this low,

subterranean in my sadness,

lying broken in my emotions,

there is no hope for my condition.

But alas reader,

you try to sympathize with my condition,

but i can feel it saddening you,

infecting you with it's despair,

that is exactly why i keep it locked up deep inside,

so that my loved ones will never

feel that murky melancholy that sticks to

their souls,

and so it must stay sealed in my head,

never to be seen,

and certainly never to be read.

So tonight when you lie in your bed,

when you say your prayer to the deity of your choice,

say one for the poet,

pray that his end be quick,

pray for his relief,

pray for death to take him quietly in the night,

or pray that he gets the power to make everything right.

Reviews

[Isabella]

What I feel is not sympathy but empathy... I understand your pain I feel it everyday and so you are a great poet.

[Karleem Johnson]

You have a fatal health condition too?

[Isabella]

No but my sister does and im the only other one who knows

[Karleem Johnson]

Ah, then you DO know where i am coming from

[Isabella]

yes I do know and im sorry that you have to go throu that

[Karleem Johnson]

Thank you very much