My thoughts when I'm alone

Pretty much my last few nights have been going.

Up at night,

alone with my insecurities,

the past is painful

and the future scares me.

Trying so hard to keep you,

and so hard to make you happy,

try so hard to please you,

even when I'm feeling crappy.

I try so hard to not be a bother,

so scared that I'll push you

into the arms of another,

the mere thought of being

without you,

causes me to smother.

My lungs struggle in vain

as my heart flinches from

the imagined pain,

i find myself mentally

screaming at you

to end your hurtful game.

The sweetest fire rushes through

me when i hear your name,

your voice and you kisses

seem to set me aflame,

you have the beast in me tamed,

trained,

to leap at your every command.

And yet,

your actions still cause me to fret,

the pain you caused that

my heart can't forget,

burns in my chest like the

smoke of a thousand cigarettes,

but you know none of this,

my snoring princess,

so i think I'll take a long shower,

to wash off the cold sweat and

clear my head,

and then climb into bed.