Vol 3. The Journals of Mark Erickson

The 3rd Installment of the Journals of Mark Erickson.

The Journals of Mark Erickson
Thursday March 26th 2009
“Falling into Place”

Every structure has a foundation.  It supports the framework that will eventually become the building that stands on it.  The same is true with one’s life.  If we don’t build a foundation we can never really build our lives to be what we want them to be.  If we don’t have that foundation anything we try to build will eventually crumble beneath our feet leaving us standing there in the rubble scratching our heads asking ourselves “what just happened?”. 

I can’t say that things are falling into place in my life at this moment in time.  I have for too long lacked that foundation in my life to stand on.  I know that I need to build that foundation so that things can start to fall into place for me. For many years I have tried to build things up around me only to watch them collapse around me.  My friends and my family have watched me try to accomplish things in my life only to fail.  They offer me their advice but I’m stubborn and I choose to ignore their advice.  I don’t think that they are offering me poor advice but I just think that my way of doing things is better.  I do the same thing over and over expecting to get different results.  I think the term for what I’m doing in my life is madness.  I could be mistaken though.

I have devoted too much time to doing things that aren’t productive in life.  I’ve surrounded myself with people that are doing the same things I’m doing in life.  I look at them and I know that they aren’t good people to surround myself with but I use them as an excuse so that I don’t have to make any changes in my life.  I convince myself that since they are doing the same things with their lives that it’s ok to continue being self destruction and unproductive as well.  I want to do more with my life but I keep hitting the road block.  I’m really just sitting in limbo.  I’m not going backwards but at the same time I’m also not moving forward.  I continue to walk the same circular path I’ve been walking for many years now.  I just have to find the will to stop and create the path to the road I need to be on. 

It’s time to put my hard hat on and call in the construction crews to take time and build my foundation.  I’m going to stand on both feet and come face to face with the problems in my life and start ejecting them out of my life.  All of my insecurities, all of my co-dependency issues, and start taking the genuine advice that people give me more serious.  It’s ok to trust people, not everyone is out to f**k you over like I’ve grown up to believe.  It’s ok to be alone in life I don’t need to have someone in my life to make me happy.  I should be happy with myself and with what I have in life. I hang on to my pain like it means something, like it’s worth something.  Let me tell you it’s not worth s**t.  I have to let it go. Infinite possibilities and all I seem to do is whine.

- M.E-