158

a personal experience...

One sip at the glass of tea, one drag at the cigarette in hand and my mind started doing the only thing I ever refrain it from.

Thinking….

The problem with me is that I don’t like studying. And that kinda sucks ‘coz m supposed to be student. Now the fact of the matter is, I was a bit down that day. Some stuff in college I guess. So my mind started thinking all sorts of stupid things like my first smoke, my first visit to hell, my counseling, my AIEEE score….. And there it stopped. Somehow, my mind and my parents always tend to keep reminding me that I pretty much screwed up my AIEEE score.

158.

But the good part is my heart. It’s pretty much the only thing about me that doesn’t make me feel guilty. So my heart, it took me just one fleeting moment back in time. My AIEEE examination day. And it all came flashing back. There I was again in that shabby old building, on that small bench where my legs would barely fit, silently staring at the paper in front of me and slowly nibbling my pencil.

And then I remembered it. The reason I screwed up my paper. It was simple. I got BORED. I got so damn bored staring at the paper in front of me and feeling utterly helpless that I slammed down the pencil, folded up the paper, submitted and left the invigilator gawking at me. There were still 20 minutes for the time to be officially over.

Anyhow, the results came some months later. And there it was. Flashing on the computer screen in front of me �" 158 �" the three bold digits that ruined my life. Naturally, after the routine harassment by my parents, I was left alone in the room with the dot-matrix printer mocking me with its screechy hum and the computer screen, silently laughing.

Then came the counseling. Boy, that was by far the worst day of my life. I hated the long waiting queue. I hated the warm atmosphere. I hated the people who were conducting the procedure. I hated everything. Finally my turn came to sit in front of the computer and decide where to waste the next four years of my life. And that’s when I saw that I could not opt for VNIT, Nagpur because some sonofabitch had just taken the last seat. His score was 159.

That really pissed me off. I mean one mark? One frikkin mark. What does one mark even count for? But the damage had been done. I had been allotted a sodding NIT Raipur. One mark. It was just one mark that dragged me to hell.

The rest was a blur. I lost interest in living. I lost interest in studies. Hell, I became a below average student. But then after one year passed, I realized something. If I had to waste four years of my life here, why not make something out of it. So I started living. I started looking. And when I looked, I found something, some people, some very special things.

I learned that “tears”, in fact, are applicable to each n every situation of life. I learned that “anger management” does not apply to everyone. I learned that not caring about what “others” want you to be like is actually another way of living life. But more than everything, what I learned was that friendship is the best thing in life. Without friends, u will always feel like jumping off a cliff. But WITH friends, at least you have somebody to jump with.

And now, when there is only half a year left to waste, I feel like it should have just started. When I didn’t want to come here, they forced me to and now when I’m in love with the place, they are taking me away? That’s not fair.

But the good part is, at least I have learnt something important in this time. I learnt that one mark can actually make a huge difference. Sometimes, ONE sodding mark can make you start believing again. As soon as I felt the sharp sting of cigarette burn on my hand, I was back. I set down the empty glass, paid and moved on. Smiling to myself and wondering what would have happened had I GOT that ONE FRIKKIN MARK.

Reviews

[SiMbA tAgO]

i hope u dont quite regret losing out on that one single mark ... must have been frikking bad without u for tensor ... we wud have had no winners .. :)