New Outlook

It’s been so long since last I wrote

Not much has changed

I wonder why I care so little

I wonder why I feel so little

I feel no emotion but anger

Occasionally I feel amused or annoyed

But I don’t feel love, not for him, not for anyone

Well, that’s not exactly true

There’s always that little four year old light of my life

My niece, my little demon

Only for her do I seem to feel anything

But that leaves a question

Why am I so numb to everyone else?

Maybe it’s because I realize I don’t love him

I wonder if I can invest my heart in anyone else ever again

Or is the demon in me too strong?

The violence and rage consumes me

I don’t truly even want to feel the softer emotions

I’m enjoying the freedom of not caring

I don’t care what he does

All I feel is the need to cause pain

Lift ain’t so bad when I think that way