It is I

rhyming

                          

                         It is I

                   

                   

                   I turned and I saw
                   my lack and my law
                   afraid of the flaw
                   in fear of my brother

                   Awake though I was
                   my lack to the cause
                   in fact a poor pause
                   before the known other

                   I've hidden from it since
                   in my bed to convince
                   myself and to cleanse 
                   all trace of my shadow

                   Alone though I planned
                   that choice I can't stand
                   I know now I can
                   merely peer out my own window
      
                   With my lack and my law
                   I've let the sad flaw
                   rule, though I saw
                   the true heart of the others

                   Apart and away, I turn again to my bed
                   I am willing my own destiny
                   at once, in my head
                   All the faces outside I happen to see
                   where. the only dark thing
                   I fear there, 
                   it's me

Reviews

[A.G.]

I really loved this. The rhyme, the meaning, the ending...it was all lovely. Personally, I felt that this person was at first denying their pain, or as you put it " All the trace of my shadow", and has come to the realization of it eventually in the end. Peering outside, seeing the true hearts of others, the people. I feel this person is afraid to walk outside because they fear the judgement of strangers...I don't know, maybe it is not the true meaning, but I understand your words and can relate to it. Thank you for sharing your heart brian (:
-Angelina

[barleygirl]

As a rhyme-aholic myself, I always enjoy seeing an unusual rhyme pattern & you've crafted this well. Except in a couple spots, the rhythm is well-balanced to show off your rhyming. As for the message, I can totally relate! Sometimes it can be scary when we get a big brutal look in the mirror, at how some of the things we do might feel to others. But also this self-examination could be different for various readers (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie