We Try, To Subside, the Pain We Hide

Feelings and emotions we try to hide.
Ups and downs locked safely inside.

Everyone is wounded, we all have our pride.
No matter how hard we try, we have all cried.

Everyone at times turn into a Jekyll and Hyde.
Our emotions rise and fall upon life's landslide.

Trying to hide this pain without feeling we've died
Lost all hopes of a cure to be supplied

Feelings may collide on life's roller coaster ride.
The lucky ones learn to take everything in stride.

Have faith, our joy and pain will always subside.
Our sufferings have much to say in the coming tide.

Pray for us, stay with us but never push us aside.
Always we try, to subside, the pain we hide.

 

Reviews

[Carole]

Wow-who can't relate with this? We try to subside the pain we hide inside!

This poem is astounding. I love it . I am thinking you might tweak the flow just a hair to make it flow even better....In the first line, if you took out deep-what would you think of the flow?

Fourth line: No matter how hard we try, we all have cried. (What about switching a couple of words to "We have all cried?)

In the 8th line, "Lost all hope of a cure found that can be supplied"
Could you drop some words and say, Lost all hope of a cure to be supplied?

I am thinking dropping those few words would make it flow even better. Your poem is amazing and packs a powerful punch. It is so good, I just thought tightening it up a bit would make it even better. Great job, Bren! Try reading it both ways with and without the words I suggested. Its up to you. :-)

Well done! Carole

[BABSIE BEE]

This is awesome yet most folk won,t admit to it ! If only we would all take things in our stride and let what will be....BE. Well done and thanks.
Babsie Bee xx

[poetic soul]

the picture used here is so perfectly apt!! i really loved the concept and the flow was also flawless and the picture as if made the circle complete !! amazing work out there....

Regards,
Poetic Soul

[Brianna Brie]

Intense writing. I am impressed in your ability to touch deeply on this subject after having just read your light and airy Plant Our Own Seeds. You have mastered the art of writing with diversity. Wonderful job!

[Ladysue]

This was phenomenal, Brenda. How we all do this. this read beautifully and flowed with ease.

[Nassira]

Beautiful poem! I enjoyed the rhymes and the way the poem takes us on a roller coaster of emotions!
A lot of talent displayed here. Keep it up, your are doing a great job :)

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Excellent write. Manic depression is much like dr jeckle and mr hyde. A definate rollercoaster ride, quite terrifying at times. Thank you entering my contest and good luck. Debileah

[Chillbear Latrigue]

I'm a sucker for a good Jekyll and Hyde reference. However, it was otherwise a very good poem. I like the concept of duality.

[Kristin Brecoe]

Hey. I like this. And you are good with rhyme. I can't keep up rhyming with the same endings too long. It's not exactly my forte. Also, I like how you add allusions to work. They really spice it up. =]

Oh, and I adore that picture! Where did you get it?

-kristin
[Have fun with all those kiddies and doggies, but why so many?]

Pain hidden could also lead to being abused. This repetitive abuse can fill the cup and we can all just blow there.

Those who take it with stride do so with knowledge and enlightenment. They have to understand before they bear.

Good form, rhythm, and use of words. Good read.