Tough Week

Even when things are going great, the heart still remembers.

It has been a tough week, this  anniversary of My Love's death.
Tough because of the impending feeling of doom,
tough because of all the well-wishers who have been calling
or emailing, and tough because this year the fog has lifted
and I am in full realization of what I lost.

And I know that I have much that I should be thankful for.
Yet I just can't bring myself to feel thankful. Not right now.
It is so tough for me, as I am mostly a positive person,
to feel so down and negative. At least I know that this state is temporary,
that I'll pull up out of it after this time passes.

I find that when I get an email or phone call, or someone stops me
to say that they are thinking about me at this difficult time,
it's very hard not to get weepy. I'm grateful that they remember the date,
but I'm even more grateful that they remember at all.
Actually I'm a little shocked when they remember the date.
So every time it happens it is a surprise. And I'm grateful that they remember,
and hopeful that it is My Love that they are thinking of and remembering, not me.

I yearn for death, for relief from these feelings,
for either endless sleep or wondrous re-uniting with My Love.
I know that I cannot stand still while I wait,
and there are many adventures and duties that remain for me.
I am glad that my years of stasis are over
and I'm starting to make changes. Yet on this anniversary week,
with the pumpkins and changing leaves, the chill in the air,
the smell of mold and earth, my heart breaks for the day that I lost My Darling, My Love.

Reviews

[Heaven]

Wow.... Very deep and sad... It shows your emotions and can be relatable. I am sorry that you had to go through something like that..... It has to be one of the worst things that can happen to a person.... It has a nice rhthm though and the only thing I might add is a little more actual rhyming.... But good poem over all. I has a lot of good elements. =)

[TL Boehm]

haunting and eloquent writing. a beautiful tribute to your beloved's memory...

[Kristin Brecoe]

aw. i have the biggest urge just to give you a bear hug. im sorry you had to lose someone like that. its one thing when someone you love is 100 miles away, its another when their are gone. you are lucky to have friends who care so much and remember a date like this.

you need to stay tough, and not think of leaving this world. im sure he wouldnt want you to. hed want you happy and healthy.

great poem. its was very sadden and strong.

[Blackbirdsong]

You've really poured out your heart in this and it feels odd to review it outside to say that this is a painful read and I hope that it freed you from some of the pain you are feeling. You express yourself with complete honesty here and it is clear to see that this person was the world to you.


passes/
that I'll pull up out of it after this time pass.

[Vanilla]

I know this is a great sadness in this poem but there is so much love that it is also very beautiful and hopeful. There can't be great loss without great love. Thank you for writing this.

[Sqeaver]

So sad. My heart goes out to you. Beautifully written.

[Catrinka]

I"m sorry that it's been a difficult week - but considering the depth of love you describe, how could it be any other way? It's good you allow yourself those moments to be honest with how difficult it is. I especially like the fact that you know there are things left for you do do and experience. I'm glad to see that you are starting to make changes and move forward.

[SweetPeachesAlways]

my heart breaks for the day
- this one line most accurately describes this poem...thank you for exposing this raw nerve and sharing your heart with us...beautiful tribute to an unforgettable love...