On April 15, 2024, I began to hear three voices in my head I had never heard before. This is how I experienced that night and the following day before going to seek help.
Part of my Psych Ward Poetry
In this, everything but your intent made it to the page. So while we see the result of whatever drove you to write it, we have effect without cause.
When you read it, you already have backstory, setting, and, intent before you read the first word. And the voice of the narrator — your voice — is filled with the emotion the reader can't know to place there. So, it works as it should. But, the reader lacks that most critical of necessities, context.
Look at the opening line as the reader must:
• The earth shook, then stood still
As a reader views it, it’s an earthquake, or, a strong emotional moment. But then:
• BOOM!
So first, you present effect, and then cause? How can the message you hoped to deliver be meaningful when the sequence is: confusion, followed by clarification?
But more than that, given that the reader believes it to be an earthquake, the noise is seen as things falling as a result of it. But then:
• There! Again it’s shaken to its pillars
What can the reader say but “huh?” Is it the earth that’s in pillars, or, some unspecified building? Unknown. But then:
• Explosion after Explosion
We just made a sharp left turn and headed I another direction. What we were seemingly told was an earthquake became an explosion of undefined source. Sure, you, who knew, all along, what it was, get exactly the meaning you intended. But our intent doesn’t make it to the page. So the reader gets the meaning suggested by THEIR life-experience, and, punctuation.
See how different what the reader gets is from what you do? That’s one reason we need to write from our own seat, but edit from that of a reader, who lacks any context the words don’t evoke or supply. It’s why effect must come after cause.
When you read this piece, you have backstory, setting, and intent before you read the first word. So for you, the words call up memories, images, and more, all waiting in your mind. But the reader? they lack that most critical of necessities, context. So for the reader, the words call up memories, images, and more, all waiting in *YOUR* mind. But without you there to clarify...
Make sense?
You might want to read Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook, which I often recommend. It’s truly a gem, and is filled with surprises, like why we sometimes use the word rock and at others, stone, to specify the same thing. I think you’ll find it eye-opening.
Sorry my news wasn’t better. But still, hang in there, and keep on writing. It never gets easier, but with work, we can become confused on a higher level. and that's okay, because writing is a journey, one lasting a lifetime, not a destination.
Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334
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“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow
Posted 3 Months Ago
0 of 1 people found this review constructive.
3 Months Ago
Thank you for your comment!
The effect I was going for was apparently achieved, actu.. read moreThank you for your comment!
The effect I was going for was apparently achieved, actually. It was meant to be confusing. It was how it felt to experience the Voices I had that day, and in the days following when they went from an 'initial bombardment' to a more guerilla-style attack. It began without warning and without cause, and was very, very confusing.
Then why not simply place a few random words on the.. read more• It was meant to be confusing
Then why not simply place a few random words on the page. Confusion achieved.
My point is that you're making the assumption that the reader will continue, and come to understand the situation. But readers are volunteers, not conscripts. Confuse them for a line and they turn away with nothing more read.
The "boom" that signifies an explosion to you, has no inherent sound for the reader, and could be anything from a bass drum to a volcano coming active, to a door slamming. You know. Everyone there knows. The reader? Not a clue because you've not placed them in time and space. So when you read it the boom is the one you heard. For the reader it's a word, context and source unknown
Work WITH the reader to convey the "What the hell was that?" feeling, without making the reader wondering what YOU mean.
3 Months Ago
I am sorry you are unable to enjoy my work. Apparently this was not written for you, but others migh.. read moreI am sorry you are unable to enjoy my work. Apparently this was not written for you, but others might enjoy.
3 Months Ago
• I am sorry you are unable to enjoy my work. Apparently this was not written for you, but others .. read more• I am sorry you are unable to enjoy my work. Apparently this was not written for you, but others might enjoy.
Have they? You have a total of 30 pieces posted, and six have one person who commented. This piece has had 47 views, and no one else was moved to comment. That, in and of itself, should tell you that you’re not communicating your message to the reader in a form that makes it as meaningful as you hoped.
Someone who didn’t have to respond to this, took the time to tell you where, and why, that miscommunication occurred, and did so because YOU invited comment. Your response? To blame it on the reader not "enjoying it."
Had I praised the work you’d have accepted it as your due, without hesitation. How can you not accept what’s not praise, especially given that it’s not a matter of talent or how well you write, only missing professional skills?
Why ask for critique if you’re going to discard it as the one giving the critique not “getting it?” I am most definitely not a poet, but my efforts generate pages of comment. And the read difference between us is that I took the time to look into the skills that the pros take for granted.
A readable copy of that Mary Oliver book I recommended can be downloaded at the site I link to below. Grab a copy and try a few chapters.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596
And now, because it wasn't my intent to upset you, or argue, I'll wish you luck with your writing and bow out.