"love"

first thing i ever wrote, hope you guys think it is good..

Once upon a time, in a kingdom not far from here Laid a fair maiden and her handsome prince They were happy, truly In love Until the prince found out something that he didn't want to find out, his maiden, his wife, His love Had left him for another man.. And so the prince, blind with rage went looking for his loves new betrothed just for the sheer pleasure of winning his loves heart back The prince ended up finding him, later on that day on the suns 16th cycle from dawn The prince drew out his gauntlet and threw it at the newest betrothed man, announcing his intentions for battle This battle went forward, a time and place set They fought for the fair maidens love, attention, body but most of all, their only true desire Her heart. The battle went on Both warriors getting weary of battling a equally matched opponent. They stood facing each other and the prince decided that if he couldn't make his first love happy, then why should he have her? He got down to his knees, he awaited what was gonna come. He embraced it, he was taught to not fear death, but to embrace it because death is the way out to a happier place You shouldn't fear dying, fear is pointless As the opponent raised his sword, a simple yet elegant steel sword, and swung it full force the maiden screamed in terror She couldn't believe what was happening She goes to the prince just as the sword swings past his head The maiden holding into her prince Her one true love The opponent blind with anger Screams IF I CAN'T HAVE HER THEN NOBODY CAN and plunges his sword straight into her stomach The prince looks into her dying eyes His eyes watered She was dying He couldn't help her He let the tears flow freely The maidens last words to the prince was "I love you, I always did" Just as she passed away he held her lifeless body

Author's Note

my grammar isnt the best, please ignore it.

Reviews

[Delmar Cooper]

my grammar isnt the best, please ignore it.

The only thing I had to talk about was the "grammar." You have said in effect: "I can't read music, but I know how to wave a baton so may I conduct the orchestra?" Probably not. Your work will not be considered by readers until you come to terms with the mechanical part of writing.