Moonlit Kingdom

A short story about a group of psychic teenagers who fight ghosts and demons, while dealing with hormones and school and part-time jobs. This is Chapter One, over all there will be Ten chapters.

Chapter One: Awakening

Elliot walked down the empty halls of his school. Everyone was at the fifth period pep rally, he wouldn't be disturbed any time soon. The entire school was deserted, everyone was at the football field, across the back parking lot You had to cross a patch of grass and trees to reach the parking lot that led to the bleachers and football field. He walked down the hall and turned into an old janitors closet, it was usually locked but Elliot had stolen the rusty key from the administration building a long time ago. It smelled strongly of ammonia and plastic, Elliot covered his nose with the collar of his shirt as he walked to the far side of the small room. There was a pile of toilet paper stacked on top of each other, he moved them aside and found what he was looking for, a rusted red ladder with a sign that read "roof access".  Placing his hands on the ladder, he began to climb, his backpack slung over his shoulder.  He enjoyed climbing up the roof , he usually did so during his free period, after chemistry. Today was different, the entire school would be empty for almost two hours. Elliot climbed to the very top, the door that led to the roof had once contained a lock but someone had broken it a long time ago. It just hung on the chain now, broken and rusty, like everything around it. Elliot jimmied the door, sometimes it stuck, and stepped onto the roof and the familiar mountain air and inhaled deeply. It was late September, October was just a few days away and it would bring a soft chill for autumn, Elliot's favorite time of the year.

Elliot walked across the roof of the science building and stared ahead towards the football field. Two defining features separated the back of the science building from the football field. Once the small rear courtyard ended, there was a sudden patch of trees that grew close together, and beyond that was a blacktop parking lot for home games. 

He stared across the trees and toward the stadium, he could distinguish figures cheering and dancing, banners being waved at the very top of the bleachers. He could hear the drum line as they performed the fight song to the cheering crowd of faculty, students and parents. For a brief moment, Elliot longed to be there, in the crowd of people nestled around all that life.  The feeling was gone once he remembered he wouldn't have had anyone to sit with during the event, and being surrounded by that many people would have overwhelmed him anyway, it was best to keep a distance.  Elliot watched the event in solitude until it concluded and the crowd began to disperse, cars driving off and the faculty herding the students back to the school. That's when Elliot decided to head back down the ladder. 

***

Elliot was halfway down the red ladder when he felt it rattle, almost causing him to slip and fall. Maintaining his balance, he decided to hold himself tightly against the cold bars. They hadn't been very cold on his way up, but now they were freezing. Elliot thought the sudden change in temperature was what caused the old metal to shake and rattle, then he heard another noise. It started as a soft rumbling but grew to a steady rhythm, like a hundred footsteps rushing the hallway outside. Elliot hurried down the ladder, if it broke off the wall, at least he wouldn't fall with it. 

Once his feet touched the ground, an electric current shot up the right side of his leg and he collapsed to his knee. It felt like a cramp but it was more violent, it hurt to the bone. Elliot rubbed the length of his calf, trying to soothe the cramped muscle and soon the pain cleared and he could stand again. The rhythm had grown silent and Elliot walked toward the door, but as soon as his hand was on the doorknob his fingers burned with a cold intensity. 

"Ah! what the f**k?" he said to himself, rubbing the palm of his left hand with his right thumb, a blister had begun to form. Elliot began to look for a first aid kit in the small janitor closet when the sound picked up again, it was louder this time and even though at first it could have been the sound of students rushing down the hall to their classes, now it was unmistakably a drum beat. It was loud and erratic, like a tribal drum circle before a hunt. It grew louder until it was all Elliot could focus on, then he realized the horrifying truth, the noise was coming from above and all around him. Elliot made for the door, fear blurring his vision, the burning doorknob stinging his fingers and palms as he tried desperately to open the door. It wouldn't budge, tears began to form in his eyes and soon his entire body was shaking with a cold fear. 

Elliot backed from the door, a silent sob in  the back of his throat. The sound had reached him now, it was all around him, enveloping his body like an invisible cloak. It pressed all around him, suffocating him. The sob broke from his lips but it was too late, he couldn't make much of a sound, it was just a choke, a gag, a silent cry. When all was consumed, and there was no hope, and Elliot faced sure death, something broke in the darkness. A slithering light in the eternal shadow and a girl ripping the darkness aside. Elliot knew no more, he collapsed into unconsciousness as the door to  the room was ripped off it's hinges.

***

The sun had set by the time Elliot woke up. He was staring out the side window of a car, he could see the last red rays of the sun before they faded to cool night blue. He was laying in the back seat of the car, and from the view could tell the car was parked in the lot behind the bleachers. 

Elliot tried to sit up but arms held him in place, "Keep Still!" a girls voice shouted at him. It was a girl he recognized from some classes, Rebecca Walker, she was student body president and a favorite among the faculty and students. Elliot had never spoken to her before, and he had no idea how he had managed to get in her car. The last thing he remembered was being in that room, and hearing that sound, feeling afraid and then nothing. 

Elliot looked up at Rebecca, her curly brown hair had been tied up with a ribbon and was bouncing as she turned her head from side to side. Elliot waited for her to talk to him, to explain what was going on but she wasn't even paying attention to him. She was looking out of the windshield now, at whatever was happening outside the car. Elliot tried to sit up one more time but she was really strong, her dark arms holding him down, a seat belt pressing on his back uncomfortably. 

"What the hell is your problem?" screamed Elliot, still struggling to free himself from her grip. 

"If I let you sit up, will you please keep quiet" she didn't wait for him to respond, she just let go of his arms and returned her attention to the front of the car. Elliot shot up to a sitting position, ready to start screaming for help, but what he saw left him speechless. 

Standing a few feet in front of the car was another student Elliot recognized, his name was Christian and he was a member of the football team, still in his uniform from the rally.

Elliot couldn't believe the scene before him. Christian, in full football uniform, was standing in the middle of a parking lot waving a strange looking stick in an arc in front of him. That wasn't the strangest part, it was the woman he was defending himself against that really made no sense to Elliot. She stood no less than six feet away from Christian, her hands were black, like she had just been digging through ashes and her white gown was ripped and tattered with bloodstains all across the front. The strangest part was her dark hair, it was cut short like a bob but it was wild and unruly, and waved erratically in her face like it was being whipped by a violent wind, but none of the trees were swaying, there wasn't even a breeze. Everything about her was wrong even her skin had a soft blue tint, like a drowned body.    

"What's wrong with her?" asked Elliot, holding onto the back of the drivers seat. 

"So you CAN see her?" asked Rebecca, "I thought Cassie was just being dramatic but, I guess she was right... again." she smiled, like she had just shared a private joke. "Everything will make sense soon, just try to relax will you? you're shaking the entire seat." Elliot hadn't noticed he was shaking, then it took everything he had to stop himself from shivering. He wasn't cold, his body was just anxious, he was afraid. 

Rebecca turned back to the scene before them, Christian had managed to lead the woman farther away from the car. They were now standing over twelve feet away, Christian was standing in between the car and the woman, like he was trying to keep her away. He raised the staff he was holding, it looked like it was made of wood but the tip had a blue jewel that was big enough to reflect light in all directions. He began to twirl it in his hands, like the color guard team does with their wooden rifles. 

The strange woman began to back away, then Elliot heard it. A rumbling sound, like the one he heard in the janitors closet. It was everywhere, surrounding the car and it was all coming from her. That's when the shadows started to rise, like limbs rising from the ground, and crawling towards Christian. 

"Oh s**t!" Rebecca must have seen them too because she swung the door wide open and stepped out. "Stay here, if the shadows come any closer, look in the glove compartment." she called back to Elliot as she raced to stand by her friend. The shadows had reached the football player and were tugging at his ankles, then they began to rise up his legs. Christian deep in concentration didn't seem to notice, he continued to spin the staff as if his life, all three of their lives, depended on it. Christian continued his motion, the staff spinning rapidly before him, the jewel creating a circle of light that seemed to pulse with life. The woman, whose arms now extended towards the sky, began to shake in convulsion. She was howling now, up at the sky. It was clear, that whatever Christian was doing, it was making her weak. 

Rebecca had just about reached Chris when the shadows suddenly rose high into the sky like a hundred rotting tentacles growing out of the pavement and surging towards Rebecca. Elliot screamed, his body frozen in fear for his classmates. Rebecca stood her ground, and Elliot thought he saw her smile, as she threw her head back she was definitely laughing, then she raised her right arm and revealed a sparkling silver charm bracelet. Still laughing wildly, like she was riding a roller-coaster having the time of her life, she began to shake her wrist in a  circular motion.  Suddenly a bright light, brighter than anything Elliot had ever seen before erupted from her hand, like a hundred lighthouses being turned on at once, and like a powerful wave, abolished the shadows from the parking lot. 

Elliot felt the light as it exploded outward, illuminating the entire lot. There was a loud howl, then the light faded and the woman was gone. A pile of rocks was all that was left behind, but soon they too turned to dust and blew apart in the wind. 

The door to the car was swung open and Elliot stumbled out into the early evening air. It was late September and the weather hadn't started to cool, and there was a thick dampness in the air that seemed to suffocate Elliot. 

"Sorry about that Elliot, it can be a bit overwhelming at first but you'll get used to it." said Rebecca, smiling at him from the middle of the lot. She began to take a step toward him, but he backed away, picking up a rock, ready to chuck at her if she came any closer. 

"Stay away from me!" Elliot cried out, still clutching the large rock. Rebecca took a small step toward him, trying to calm him, but he turned and ran into the trees. Elliot ran threw the darkness of the small forest and back to the school, he ran until his feet hurt and then continued to run, afraid to look back. 

Reviews

[Mila]

Hey!! I really enjoyed this; it was very good :)
I thought I'd pop down a few things that I noticed, and I hope that you find them helpful!
The phrase "Everyone was at the fifth period pep rally, he wouldn't be disturbed any time soon. The entire school was deserted, everyone was at the football field, across the back parking lot You had to cross a patch of grass and trees to reach the parking lot that led to the bleachers and football field...." Consider rewording this. I would suggest finding a way to merge "Everyone was at the fifth period pep rally...." with "The entire school was deserted" and saying that it's deserted BECAUSE everyone was at the pep rally on the football field and then go into how, because if that, he wouldn't be disturbed anytime soon. That makes your sequence of events much organized.
The sentence " He stared across the trees and toward the stadium, he could distinguish figures..." Try starting it with "As he stared across the trees..." So it doesn't sound like a fragment and it leads us into what happens or what he's doing much better.
The sentence "The door to the car was swung open and..." it's sort of awkward to use the word 'swung' after the thought, especially if the door is already open, since it's a verb. You could say that it sat open or it merely was open. If the action is happening at that moment then you can say that it swung open and forgo the "was" before it.

Most of I saw pertained to what I listed above, so I'd definitely suggest going through this and reading it to yourself to see what sounds out of place, where breaks need to go, what needs to be re-worded and so on so forth. All in all, this was a very enjoyable read, and I thought it was exceedingly creative and original. I enjoyed your characters and your dialogue was incredibly natural and easy to follow! :)
I really liked this, well done! :)

[Billy Loomis]

thank you so much for this! You are so right! I'm glad you mentioned these faults because reading it back I knew it was off but needed some guidance.

Yes, this is a rough draft, I made a promise on my tumblr blog that I would post something on the 25th so I literally just finished this chapter and uploaded it. It isn't the final version but when I go over and edit, I will definitely take into consideration your critics.

I want to thank you for taking the time to review my work and I hope you like chapter two (once I upload it)