Manly Martyr

A poem about the unnecessary struggle of going it alone.

Manly Martyr

Climbing and walking I scale the mountain
love is never easy crawling and seeking.
Through choked vines I spy the fountain
drink heavy from hands slowly leaking.
Do I see the cobbles that led me here?

Tasted air a hint of pine
raging rivers of melted snow.
Pasted clouds need a sign
caging beasts just for show.
Do I see the things I truly fear?

Scree filled path more precarious than up
vines have moved with cobbles raised.
See her eyes of blue, hand with cup
shines and points my effort she praised.
Do I see the attempts to pull me near?

Why did you trek alone up that hill?
you left the cup with which to fill
I saw you crawl and watched you trip
you had only hands from which to sip.
Do you know where you went wrong my dear?

I left you here my other half
you are my rod you are my staff.
When I ache or stumble or feel a thirst
you still fill your cup at my worst.
Why is it my love that you shed a tear?

You did not take me though I asked
you did not listen though I spoke.
It was you who yourself tasked
you and your pride thoughts like oak
Now do you see, now am I clear?

I know you are mine and I want you proud

I am proud and I've said it aloud

I am a man and I should be strong

A real man takes his girl along.

I am sorry I was so wrong.

Now, my love, you sing my song.

 

"One of the greatest gifts we have is someone to walk with. Do not journey alone.

Expeditionholding.com

 

Reviews

[Hailey Juliet]

Bill,
I really enjoyed reading this piece of poetry. I found your descriptions and imagery to be vivid and the setting nearly palpable. Especially in this section which was probably my favorite:

Tasted air a hint of pine . . .
. . . shines and points my effort she praised.

The best moments in this poem, in my opinion, were when it felt like it was moving forward and journeying. I found I enjoyed the poetry of the first half best, but I also appreciated the sentiment and message that is illuminated in the last four stanzas. Maybe it's just a matter of personal taste, but I would recommend trimming the last four stanzas to hit home the point more concisely. After the sense of movement I felt in the first half, it seemed to halt up and stall a bit at the end. I think some of that is certainly your intention, but it seemed to me the point was made a few times in the final four stanzas.

I hope this criticism is valuable to you and you see it as constructive. Overall, I sincerely enjoyed this piece and the sentiment of journeying with those you love and those who care for you. That's something I know hits home in my life.

Thanks for sharing this!

Hailey