Just Stop and Listen

If through out life I was presented with choice, then what I am today is that choice.

 When I stop and think about the person I am today, I realize that my goals and my ambition is demonstrated by my love for life. When I wake up, those passing moments are briefly opened by my eyes to see the sunlight that has passed once again. Everything is like a breeze of the wind, it jumps out at you at any second, and it can be nice and brief or quick and aggressive. It is for that same reason every logic and decision making is futile. Logic will only take you so far, such as making the right choice or realizing whatever it is your doing, that it is what you meant to do. Some days I felt frustrated and alone, asking myself why I was placed here? For what reason? At that moment of self denial and self pity, tears would drop down my face. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think, as if all rational thought could not help me, my feelings so overwhelmed by my sorrow. For the days I suffered, I asked why god gave me this curse. Falling on my knees I prayed, I asked for forgiveness,that for once in my life, I would love for it to go away.

I remembered those lines in the bible when Jesus would walk on water and say "If you believe in me you can move mountains". I cried and yelled at god asking "why should I believe in him and if those mountains could be moved, why couldn't my curse be taken away from my misery"? It didn't matter at that point, all the pain and tears were still there, but as the years went by, I became more positive and upbeat about life. That it didn't matter whether or not my prayer was heard, all I knew is that I can only be as strong and as good as I can be. There is no use in trying to fight a wall, there is only time, and you patience to overcome your hardships. 

 When I stop and think about what love is, about what I want from a relationship; that is when I really have a hard time trying to tap into my feelings and decide what it is I want. I know love is a great feeling, your heart stops when you see that person, when you wake up that person is on your mind, when you go to sleep all you want to do is just tell them you love them. Such a simple human emotional and such great thing to have. Yet I always had a hard time trying share my heart with someone. I always asked myself why I couldn't just tell a girl I liked that I liked them. it was simply out of fear of not being good enough, or simply I didn't see the point of sharing that bond. I always ask my what is the point? Why should I do what every other person in world does? Why should follow the sheep? Why can't I just start my own path? It is my rebel side of my mind that stops me from seeking love. I know that it is a great thing to have, a person there to keep you company or to simply share you laughter. The most simple explanation of a relationship is sharing part of yourself with someone else and giving up a part of your

pride. If that person doesn't agree with something, you find a solution both you agree on. I am far more complicated, I believe whenever I do decide to share my heart, that it won't be out of lust or just to stop being single,it will be out of my sole purpose that someone is out there and they are waiting for me, so I should go get them. That someone might feel the same way and I should tell them they are not alone that I was here the whole time searching for them. In myself all I want to do is live a life where I am happy and I have all things I need and when my time comes; I can die knowing I shared my heart and I gave it all i could to live in this world and to abide by the rules while making my own.