Time Bomb Of True Essence

Fury bottled, yet wanting to be released, but knowing the consequences, you have to remain calm.

Those times when you feel so many things and that one person just so happens to hit that button, is hardly peaceful.  Everyday is like waking up to a nightmare. You just want to walk and enjoy time as it passes, but you suddenly realize that there are certain people who just want to burst that bubble of yours. It is like a fun game, a way to relieve boredom. People use every type of emotion and situation to relieve them of that boredom. Even if it causes a loved one to burst in tears, its all part of to release those dull moments. We can argue otherwise, but we all know deep inside we just want drama, we just want to watch people suffer, and the people who don't, are the one's who get bursted. 

 For instance, take a human mind and imagine what goes on inside. We are hungry, we are thirsty, we have sextual thoughts and so many others that if we could read each others minds; we could see how corrupt we really are. What is she really thinking? Do they really love you?  Just imagine going inside the mind, those couples still together because the other has so much sympthony, they couldn't leave, or someone puts on a bright face and inside they are slowly burning. The possibiities are endless its shameful.

  I am one of those people, inside my mind wanting out.  I want to be free, away from the worlds widely accepted concepts and ideals; to just live for the sake of it and not because I have to put gas in my car or buy grocieries so I don't starve. It is almost laughable, every person I meet thinks of something towards me, I can see in their eyes. Whether they believe I'm crazy or funny or even insane.  That is the world of today. I have a boss and they toss you around like tennis balls. Maybe it is just me. Maybe my world is the nightmare i make it out to be. Even so, trying to change it to disney world is like changing your hair color, its different but not the original. So many people have different personalities that I come to witnessed. Some pople are really racist, some people are sexist and some people just hate being alive. We are all human and experience this to a point. Why must we always fight? Always destroy ourseleves with substances, and sextual desires. Why must we hate so much that we ourseleves become animals and less of god's creatures.

  We were born from love, yet we easily hated. We are jealous because they got the better job, or they got the better treatment or kidney; we just want it first and if we don't get it, we become monsters of our hatred and self denial. So many people today are sad and lost, so many people today are born with diseases and live life hating theirselves because they didn't get the normal life, they didn't get those peaceful nights or those happy moments to meet someone without thinking about their problem.

  It is very glorified when we think of perfection and joyful moments. When I think of the times when I smiled and laughed because I chocked on food, it brings back memories of what still lives on. We can still feel those lovely emotions, but we can also feel terrible and lost. I was eight, It was a Saterday and my father and I were late to church again, the Pastor was talking and the usual, I fell asleep wanting to leave. I always wanted to leave. When my mother brought me over to visit aunts or go to the food market, the only thing in my mind was "I want to get out of here". The things we expierence during childhood can help us understand our true selves. Social bonds are a norm for the world, like gossip or blackmail. It struck me as a mindless way of society. I didn't wan't to part take. I couldn't even look a girl in the eyes without blushing, for the sole reason I felt as though I was a outsider and saw them as higher beings. I was always the short one and saw the world as a giant storm. I couldn't rationalize or think logically untill I was 18, as if parts of my mind were locked away. I remember but saw only myself locked in a trance state. We can only wish for our minds today but the past happens for a reason. Even so, the one thing that has stayed is my sensitvity.

 The one problem I've been trying to get rid of with mental training and self precaution has lived. I know that my feelings should ease for every situation and isn't as corrupted as I make it out to be, but even with my logical thinking, my emotions outpower my logic. Who knew emotions were so influencial. The minute someone manages to hit that button, they can all see that look on my face, it is so recognizable it is uncontrollable. I can truly see but cannot truly grasp or hold on to the chain. The chain is silver, hard as steel and smells of burning ash, it sounds of roaring thunder and blinds me to point blank. The journey to rid of ourselves of that chain is truly the meaning of hope. For the future I don't know what it brings. I don't know if I will still be alive or if I will still be sensitive, the only thing I know is, whatever I do today affects what I do tommorow. So if I ever find that right soul that connects with mine and if I ever find myself, I'll know it came from god, for every direction I go he meets me, from the internet to t.v, to my mind to outside. God is with me and he created our world. 

Reviews

[little_k]

a very interesting story, good god it has some good points, i love your wording. made me wonder about myself as i read it, and i love it when a writer can do that.