The Meaning

A personal poem.

Go on now with the words you’ve rehearsed,

A looming mountain of sparkling dirt,

A song familiar is sung atop,

By a man who is eyeing the drop,

A sudden move could set him free,

A few seconds of gentle breeze,

But like a switch flipping on a light,

What’s wrong is wrong and what’s right is right,

He’s reminded of the swathes love,

Just before he gave everything up,

He remembers where he’s meant to be,

At the humble university.

Author's Note

I'd really LOVE feedback, specifically whether you think it's too corny/cheesy.

Reviews

[Virtual Phun]

It's not cheesy! It's pretty great! The opening lines are an intriguing hook. I loved the depth and the edginess expressed. It's short, meaningful, and I particularly loved the expression of the idea - the way you expressed it into a poem. IMHO it's actually quite the opposite of a cheesy/corny poem. And I feel like so many aspiring writers don't write anything but corny poems. Sometimes their core ideas may be interesting, but the writing and poem itself couldn't be more cliché. Having an interesting concept to write about is only the simplest part. It's the translation of that concept into a written form that stands out, whether poem or story, that's the true test of one's creative writing. I think you've done it all pretty well, with strong and original lines.

It has a Twenty One Pilots sentiment/flavour to it, haha.

Overall, it's a wonderful and thoughtful short piece. Great job!

[Jonathan Beaver]

Thanks so much! This means a whole lot. The part that I was most worried about being corny was that very last line. After thinking about it and getting some positive feedback I'm coming around to it. I think I will be presenting this poem in a few weeks. Thanks again for the feedback!