'Mack': Number One

Well, you have the honor of being only the second of my girl friends to be noted. At least, officially. 

I bring you here today because...it's complicated.

I wrote in your yearbook that I hoped we'd stay good friends. You complained, saying that you wrote that you were sure we'd stay best friends in the future. It wasn't until now that I really realized why I didn't think that we'd stay friends as long as you might've imagined.

I've never really been sure about trusting you. Part of me did because I didn't have much of a choice. I needed someone to confide in and you were my closest option. At graduation, we talked--but then, I think I changed.

I think I realized after a month that what I was looking for didn't have to be what I wanted. And so when I changed my thinking, you thought I was giving up. 

To clarify:

Admittedly, we spoke when I hadn't gotten to my turning point yet. Your insistence on me realizing that I wasn't in a great relationship was what turned me off. I started overanalyzing my situation, trying to think of what I would eventually talk to Richard about. Day after day it got worse. Every time you talked to me you seemed to bring it up. And every time you brought it up--even when you said you wouldn't--I got anxious, especially because I couldn't do anything about it.'

Then, I think it was Thursday or Friday when I was chatting with him, I realized I didn't mind my relationship the way it was. So what if we didn't hold hands? So what if we weren't making out every five minutes? So what if we don't look like a typical couple? I'm dating my best friend, and I love every minute I hang out with him. 

No, I don't know what my future holds with him. But you're not going to get involved with it. I'm not letting anyone pressure me into what they think my relationship should be. I've analyzed enough of my relationships over the years. I think this one's been analyzed plenty, and I just want to enjoy it.

I'm afraid now that every time I talk to you, my relationship is going to be the topic of conversation. Seriously though, it doesn't need to be, and I'm not going to let it be.