Entry Twenty-One: Romance

It's been quite some time since I've written, but I shall attempt to fill in what has happened since. My relationship with Eric actually improved for awhile, however, my relationship with Jamie didn't go so well. But now, it's April, three months after the fight in December-January, and I'm not quite sure how things stand.

Jamie and Eric are unofficially offically going out. Meaning that they are going out, but they don't want to say they're dating. It's awfully confusing, and it'd make more sense if they just admitted it. Jamie keeps asking me why I keep trying to "break them up". I guess my problem is that they're two of my best friends, and when they're obsessed with each other, they aren't the same around me anymore. When I'm with Eric and Jamie, the whole conversation is peppered with inside jokes and private stories, leaving behind in the conversation. Before, we could be together and I wouldn't feel awkward, but now I feel like a third wheel.

We had a church dance last night, and Josh was there. (I'll explain more later on). Whenever Jamie went to get a drink or something, Josh seemed to be right there with her. Eric was clearly upset. He insisted he wasn't jealous, but if it was Mariah or me that Josh was hanging out with, Eric wouldn't have a problem. Eric can get a little overprotective of Jamie, and I think that's one of the reasons that you're supposed to wait until you're at least sixteen to date.

Then there's a problem I'm having with guys in general. There's three guys I have feelings for...sort of.

First, there's Josh. He lives eight hours away, and I rarely get to seem him. Not to mention that I don't have a phone, and he seldom gets on the computer. He plays the piano beautifully, and is, I have to admit, good looking. Yesterday I had my first real dance, and he was the first guy I ever slow danced with. It was a pleasant experience, though at first I was a little nervous. I'd really like to get to know him better, but the long distance doesn't allow for it.

Second, there's Matt. I've mentioned him briefly before, but not much. I really enjoy being with him, and we have a lot in common, so there's many oppurtunities to participate in the same things. Apparently, he has feelings for me as well. Only problem? Can't date until I turn sixteen. The good thing about this, is that I can see whether I really feel anything for him, or he feels anything for me. And if we both have the same feelings a year from now, who knows?

Finally, there's Ben. I haven't actually met him in real life, but I've talked to him enough that I trust him with my life. We met on Tickle, and by happenchance, stayed connected even after it closed down. He's the person I turn to to just pour out whatever is going on, be it good or bad. Due to the time zone difference, I'm not always able to talk to him, but it seems that when I most need him to be there; he's online.

Josh I think I like for more...physical reasons. Good looks, piano skills, etc. Matt for his common likes, and Ben for the way he listens and helps. I know I'm probably not going to end up with any of them, but right now, it's so hard to know my feelings. It seems odd liking three different guys for three different reasons.

Reviews

[Vesa Lee]

I must admit, when I first started to read this, I was not extremely interested.
By the fourth entry though, I was hooked.
Addictive.One word to explain this piece.

As for it's content, I am left a bit worried for you.
If all this is based on truth, and you are in fact the eloquent voice that narrates the all the confusion, there is something I would like to share with you that will help you in your pursuit of happiness in life:

You must learn to love yourself.

Maybe I've gotten it completely wrong, but from what I see, most of your problems stem from poor self acceptance. Loving yourself, accepting who you are (flaws and all) is what opens the doors for others to love you in return. And I can tell that's something your heart craves.
Again, I may be totally off, but I hope you'll take it to heart either way.
I hope everything eventually pans out. High-school can be a life drainer I know.
Just remember that if it won't matter in ten years, it doesn't matter now.
Keep writing, stay safe and feel free to message if you need someone to chat with. *smile* God bless.

[turtlegirlluver]

Wow, this one is filled with inner turmoil and confusion, I can completely relate. Just a month or two ago, I was stuck between who to like, each for their own reasons. I was so confused that I failed to see someone right by me, and now, things have worked out. It might not seem very likely at the time, but if you have patience and wait, sometimes the right guy for you comes along. I love all the emotions and descriptions you add to your writing, another good one! I wish you luck! Keep me posted!