Entry Nineteen: Views

I do not know how to react. Not to any one event in particular, merely to the entire situation. I don’t have any previous episodes similar that would help me; neither do I have access to the opposing views. I want to know what they think of me so I can respond in a way that’s not insulting. I fear that I am not the only one shaken by these recent events, though my standings with Amanda seem relatively fine. I have not truly spoken to either Jamie or Mariah since the day after the accident. Eric, as always, is another story altogether.

 

He and Jamie have been considerably closer this past week, with surprisingly little objection, the loudest coming from Eric’s own sister.  I do not believe I am jealous of either of them; the act of being together at so young an age is looked down upon by the head of my family, and in this case, I agree with him. But I am not quite sure of the feelings I am feeling. Discontentment, perhaps. Or maybe it is loneliness.

 

I long to strengthen my friendships. Still, I feel something missing. Perhaps it’s the lack of effort on the other side. Something inside me wants to be heard, to say something, but even if I listen, I can’t hear what it wants to tell me.

 

Through no fault of theirs, I did not see Eric or Jamie today. I had a school event which prevented me from attending my usual classes until the last hour of the day. I hurried to gather my belongings, hoping to be able to talk to them. Alas, I was too quick. I walked one of my other friends to her bus and stood in talked. I had hoped that the distance between Eric and Jamie and me had minimized, allowing me to walk beside them without seeming too obvious. It didn’t work, though they were much closer behind me.

 

Nearly to the bus, I came across Sarah and embraced her, thus closing the rest of the gap. All I could see out of my peripheral vision was them, looking at me strange. I didn’t say anything to them, merely walked on as if nothing had happened.

Reviews

[turtlegirlluver]

Good job, with the last part, you showed them you didn't care. Another good chapter with clearly expressed emotions!

"But I am not quite sure of the feelings I am feeling. Discontentment, perhaps. Or maybe it is loneliness."