Entry Eighteen: Jealousy

Okay. Yes. I’m jealous of Jamie. And irked at Eric. Irked at Eric because he’s taken away my one friend I could confide in without getting laughed at, without having it come back to haunt me. Jealous of Jamie because she still has a friend. Mariah pretends she isn’t affected, and hangs out with them at church…

 

It’s mostly Eric. Yes, I say that a lot. I feel like there’s a wall around them that everyone else has a key to.

 

Maybe it’s just me, but Eric and Jamie are much different people then at the beginning of the year. No, it’s not them being together that’s the problem, they’re just changing.

 

Jamie. Much less aware of when I’m in need of her and how to approach me when she is aware. I’m not looking for sympathy, I just miss my therapist.

 

Eric. Do I even have to go here?

 

I’ve always found this interesting: my inner personality, as revealed on a variety of occasions, is cold and hostile.

 

In stories I’ve written, with fictional adaptations of myself, I always come across icy and forbidding.

 

In a personality test, the things I responded with were all related to the above traits.

 

I believe I am changing as well, with my inner personality making a break for it. And seeming to break my life.

Reviews

[Vincent Weathers]

From the previous entries "lack of people skills."
Cold and hostile? Is that what you think your personality is? How narrow that must be.
Since I am on topic, I'll tell you what my personality is supposed to be like:
In some ways, I am like you. I don't have very many people skills. To define that, I can deal with people, but I have only so much patience with certain people, tolerance for certain behaviors, and I can only ignore for so long before it makes me bitter. For a clean word to describe something like that: Shy. Introverted.
I sometimes have thoughts of being superior to everyone else. I know that is not really right, but it doesn't stop me from having such thoughts (I cannot quite control what I think about anyway). I am out-spoken. It came from my Grandmother. I am also an anti-group kind of person on many of the things that I am involved in. I am, for the most part, a solitary person and when the lights are dimmer than normal, lonesome. I also have a small egotistical and domineering side in there somewhere. For some reason I must have the last word in the conversation, I always must give my opinions when it's not needed (thankfully, I can control some of that). I follow rules (almost all the time) and seldom stay on people's nerves. There's a sarcastic side as well as an arrogant side involved too.

You see, there's more to personality than a couple husks of grain.
you'd think it strange how I could recall all those things. I don't actually know what all the facets are... I use astrology to fill in the blanks. My grandmother uses it and I see no reason not to use it. Check it out.

[turtlegirlluver]

There is always progress when you realize what the problem is, in this case your jealousy. I can see the slight change, and I can't wait for it to bloom to its fullest potential!