Entry Fifteen: Invitations

I invited Jamie, Mariah and Eric to come over to my house on Monday to go sledding. At first it seemed like a great idea; a chance to repair my friendship with them. I did enjoy myself, but while we were waiting for Eric’s mom to come and pick him up, it was if I wasn’t there. The three of them were sitting on the steps, laughing and joking, leaving no room for me. I was left to clean up. Though I enjoyed sledding, because really, who wouldn’t? there was, even at my own home, an exclusion that I felt.

 

New Year’s Eve. The youth in my ward showed up for the party. I didn’t plan it, just to let you know. I was excited and anxious at the same time. My first impressions weren’t very pleasant though. The first part of the night was a short video segment. Eric ended up sitting next to Jamie and Mariah the whole time, laughing and talking. All I could do was sit and pretend I didn’t see.

 

I’m sure I tried to act happy the entire time, because otherwise someone was going to ask me what was wrong. Yet I didn’t feel happy. I felt left out. Amanda was off doing whatever she felt like doing. Including taking a nap. Eric was of course hanging out with Jamie and Mariah. Why didn’t I join them? Because every time I went over there, they stopped talking. Or at least, the level of fun went down.

 

Then we had to take them home. I was forced to sit shotgun, and of course, Eric was having fun with Jamie and Mariah in the back. As soon as we had dropped those two off, I hopped into the back, mostly because it’s rather inconvenient to try to talk to people from up front. Eric shut up and pretty much fell asleep.

 

So this whole time I’ve talked about Eric and Jamie. And Eric and Mariah. And Jamie and Mariah.

 

I’m not jealous of Jamie and Mariah for any reason. It’s just that I feel left out. I can see in and see them happy, but they don’t seem to look out and see me. Trying to find someone. Anyone. I think that’s what I really need. Someone that I can truly confide in. Someone who’s shoulder I can cry on. And I suppose that’s why I write so much. Because I don’t have that someone. So I pour out my heart upon the paper, hoping that I can at least find some solace in that.

Reviews

[turtlegirlluver]

Another tough situation, but I agree with Letiel. Maybe you should try another group. I know some of them aren't the right ones, but there has got to be someone else who feels excluded like you do. You could even make your own group, and maybe even have more fun. Just a thought, but another good chapter.

[Letiel Naynarou]

You are jealous and there's nothing wrong with that. Some people get along better than others. It sounds like Eric, Jaime and Mariah are great friends who understand each other. Perhaps you're misunderstood?

I don't think it's someone's presence that determines how much fun a group has I think it's what that individual brings to the group. Next time try to have fun with them get involved with what they're talking about. Also consider the possibility that maybe they just aren't the group for you. Try branching out and meeting new people if they can't except you then that's their problem.