Entry Twelve: Questions

I used to see nothing but kindness in Eric’s face. All the good qualities I now think I just imagined. Now I seem to see only the smirks and sneers he wears around me. How can something so evil be worn by one I believed nearly perfect?

 

I was blinded by a curtain of infatuation, only seeing the good in him. But I learned the hard way that everyone, even Eric, has a bad side.

 

What is infatuation anyway? Is it actually another feeling that is just expressed in an odd way? Or is it a subconscious longing to be with them more, or be better friends, but your brain just use infatuation as an excuse.

 

My New Year’s resolution is to treat Eric as a classmate and solely as a classmate. That is how I can break away without going too fast.

 

My heart is begging me not to go through with it, but my mind is convinced it is for the best.

 

For all of my fourteen years I’ve liked Eric. For some of them, I liked him as a friend; for others, it was infatuation; and then there are the years where I loved him as a brother.

 

The only thing is, it seems all of my feelings for him were never returned. I may have been a friend when he needed me most, after a hard move back to where my family lives. Now it feels that when I need him most, as a rock I can lean on in high school, he doesn’t feel the need to return the favor.

 

How can I break away from Eric though? I have known him almost since birth, I see him every day, we go to the same church, and he was one of my closest friends.

 

I almost feel like I’m just giving up. But I don’t know how to fix our friendship if things like this continue to happen. So it just seems like a little thing that should be resolved easily. Aren’t all friend fights over little things?

 

I haven’t truly talked to Eric or Jamie since last Wednesday. It’s been mostly small talk; weather, grades and such. It’s almost as if I’m too scared to talk to them. I’ve avoided Jamie so that I wouldn’t have to deal with that situation yet. I’ve stayed away from Eric, trying not to start another fight.

 

Maybe we all just need a very long break from each other.

 

I don’t think I’d be able to live without Eric. When Eric is in a good mood, I love to hang out with him. When he’s in a bad mood, that’s when I want to ignore him.

 

Do I try to break away from Eric, or do I try to repair our friendship? Is it me that’s the problem, or is it him? Or is it both of us?

I need advice, but I’m not very close to my parents and the friends I usually turn to, I need advice about.

 

I knew our friendship wasn’t going to last; it was down to the last thread.

 

I didn’t think it would break this soon.

 

I’m reminded of the lyrics of “Apologize”:

 

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

 

 

 

Reviews

[turtlegirlluver]

I think this is one of the best chapters in the story, and once again the song fits perfectly. I like how you try to explain infatuation, because I could totally relate to that part. Good job, I really enjoyed this one.

"Or is it a subconscious longing to be with them more, or be better friends, but your brain just use infatuation as an excuse."

[Letiel Naynarou]

You can't fight hormones you know. I recommend that you don't it's quite painful.
To every light there is a dark there needs be balance in all things. I created a perfect race and found them tortured and unfeeling beings. Please don't end up like that