Entry Two: Eric

As I have written to Eric these last couple of days and received his replies, it’s sort of changed my outlook on the situation.

 

The weird thing is, every time I have these little moments where it seems like everything is back to normal, I act like it makes up for all the bad days. And I ask myself, why was I so worked up about it? Then those awful days come, all but two or three days of the week and it starts over again.

 

It almost seems like a natural shift away, like not by choice of my friends, but just because it’s time to move on. For example, Jamie is finding new friends and spending time with them, but then also kind of loosing me on accident. Amanda has a new boyfriend, who neither I nor her friend Sarah like, and so she’s now always with him, Sarah, or at work. Eric, it’s almost as if he’s ashamed of being my friend and so he’s finding new friends. Also, he spends a lot of time with Jamie. In our recent e-mails, it seems he is trying to place the blame on me for making a dent in our friendship, not bringing up the fact that part of my “problems” are reactions to his actions.

 

I really am sincerely sorry for what I’ve done to Eric, but the little devil in me blames him. I know he cares, because I’m a friend. But I almost feel as if it would be best for all of us for me to move away.

 

Why? Because though Eric may want to be friends with me and maintain that friendship, his longing for Jamie and Mariah is stronger. He is more willing to nurture that relationship in person, than confine them to e-mail conversations like he is doing to me.

 

In the mornings before school, Eric and I get there at the same time, as I get a ride from his sister. I go off on my own and do what I need to get done, and by then Jamie has shown up. It used to be that I’d walk around with her in the mornings, with Eric on her other side, and Jenny occasionally tailing us, but as of about a week ago, I’ve given up, leaving Eric and Jamie on their own, as requested by Eric. By e-mail.

 

I then have science third hour with Eric, but that doesn’t really count. And then there’s lunch.

 

As previously mentioned, lunch with him can be weird. Even then, that’s no time to talk.  Kids are all around and some of the stuff is rather personal.

 

So, you may ask, why don’t I call them? A) I always manage to call at the most inconvenient of times. B) I’ve never felt very comfortable talking on the phone and there are always those awkward silences. C) I’m afraid of someone eavesdropping.

 

E-mails seem so insensitive, and there never seems to be a way to get my point across well. Or understand their point.

 

I just don’t know what to do. My sole confidants are the very people that I’m having trouble with, and I can’t just change the names. But if any of them are reading this right now, (you know who you are), then maybe you will be able to understand me better.

 

I don’t like high school. It seemed at first, when I read books about high school drama, that in real life it was much less struggle. I see instead, they under did it. I suppose it will happen to every one. My drama just started early. Or so it seems to me.

 

Reviews

[turtlegirlluver]

This chapter is very good in explaining more how the main character feels. I like how you relate her situation to books, because I've done that too, only to find it much harder in life. Good job!

[C.J.]

ahh the truth it is always underdone in books and movies