'JW': Number Five

When I ran into you yesterday afternoon, I tried dropping some fairly heavy hints, trying to get you to be the one to suggest that we do something together. To my dismay, you either didn't catch them or you sincerely didn't want to do something.

I got home and my roommates insisted I come bowling with them. Two of them were bringing dates, since bowling was before the dance that they had planned on going to. Suggesting that I invite you, I did so.

Can I say how ecstatic I was that I wasn't going to be home alone? That I wouldn't be the awkward third wheel of the group? (Yes, I know there was seven, not counting me, but just trust me.) That you were willing to give up precious homework time to hang out?

And not just to go bowling, either. I gave you the choice--Doctor Who or the dance--hoping you wouldn't choose the third option of calling it quits. I'm actually kind of glad that you chose Doctor Who, cause it meant being able to a) watch Doctor Who and b) just spend some time with you without being in the socially awkward setting of the dance. 

Even better, you stayed until the others got home as well, and hung out with us until you really did have to go home. You finally started warming up to the group--at least that's how it seemed.

Still, we still hang in this awkward balance of friendship...or maybe it's just awkward for me. I'm starting to realize how much I really do love being with you, but at the same time, I don't want to be the one to make the first move. I've had too many heartbreaks with doing so that I don't want to have my heartbroken again.

Perhaps after this week, things might change. Since Assassin is starting, and you agreed to be my NCHH (Non-Committal Hand Holder), there might be potential for something more to happen.

Do I really want it to happen? Because if it does happen, then we have two options: we break up before we go on our missions, or we wait for each other.

Breakups hurt. They're heartcrushing, regardless of the level of blame you place on the other person. Knowing me, I'll probably blame myself for losing you.

On the other hand, if we just stay best friends, then if we gradually drift apart, it will hurt much less, because more often than not, we don't realize what happened until it's already over.

Friendship? or relationship? The choice is up to you. Choose wisely--my heart is in your hands.