Baby Soldier's Goodbye

a baby living with cerebral palsy

Dear Mom,

When I came into the world, I saw your beautiful face looking at me, I knew right away you were my mother, the one I longed to meet for 9 months.  I smelled your scent and always knew when you held me.  I remember I got a hard start in life. The doctor’s tried to desperately save me when I was just 3 weeks old. I fought so hard to keep that smile on your face mom, I just wanted to be strong enough to go back home with you and be in your arms.  I remember, all those nights that you would cry and I would feel your tears on my face.  It was so hard for me to understand why God made me the way he did. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t get up and play with my brothers and sisters.  All I wanted was to make you proud mom, I wanted to see that beautiful smile I saw when you held me when I was born.  I soon came to realize I was not going to be like my brother’s and sister’s, I was going to need you to tend to me, day and night.  I loved listening to my nana Susie sing to me, and call me Hermoso!  I remember your distress when you found out I could not see, but I could hear you smile and I could feel your warmth when you held me.  It was the best feeling to be held by you, and I was content just to listen to you speak to me, so many beautiful things you would say to me.  But Mom, I started feeling tired, and I started to dream of an angel that would always call to me and tell me not to be afraid, she was always standing there where there was a beautiful garden.  She whispered to me, that she was waiting for me and for me not to be scared because she would be there to welcome me when I became too tired.  I asked her who she was, and she said “I am your tia Swamy, and I have been watching you since you were born.  I watched you as you slept and stood by you when you cried.  I gave your mom the strength she needed to continue to care for you and I saw her eyes, pleading for God’s guidance to do the right thing for you.”  Mom, I wasn’t scared anymore, I had my tia Swamy waiting for me.  Mom, I’m sorry I couldn't continue to smile, the smile everyone loved to see on me. But I just wanted to walk, run, and play.  The day I left you mom, my tia was waiting, I walked with my newfound legs, and held her hand when she reached for mine.  I hated to see you so hurt and in so much pain, but I had fought a battle that was beyond my control, I couldn’t fight anymore.  Mom, I was so tired already, please understand.  If there was something I wanted to do so much, was to speak the words, “I love you Mom.”  Thank you for everything you did for me, and for never letting me fight my battle alone.  I came to tell you mom that you don’t have to worry anymore, I am in heaven now, jumping and running like I always wished to do.  I am about to learn to ride my bike here in heaven and I just wanted to let you know that I am not in any more pain. Please remember mom, what I left for you to always remember me by, my smile, was my way of telling you, “I love you,” and I will always be with you.  Just remember, I am happy now, here with my tia Swamy and she said tomorrow I will finally try out my new wings!  I am free mom, and I will see you soon.

Mom, I Love you Always and forever, your little soldier,  

Orlandito.