"I'm dead, dad!"

I am killing myself dad,

Everyday…

 

I am on a way full of troubles,

Full of darkness…

The more I walk,

The harder it gets…

 

I am killing myself dad,

Every morning…

 

My heart got black,

My lungs are stuck…

This is not about me,

İt is just destiny

And bad luck…

 

I am killing myself dad,

With Every breath…

 

My dreams got covered with ash,

The life is shorter…

 

Dad,

This is the only way,

This is how I forget the problems,

This is how I smash ‘em.

 

I am killing myself dad,

I am smoking…

 

Please,

Please forgive me…

 

Reviews

[Tasfia Islam]

Wow.... I'm speechless.....Awesome writing.... :)

[TL Boehm]

wow. this is a formidable poem. Unique, unexpected and real. My dad smoked all his life. He passed at 63 from emphysema. this poem wrings my gut because of that.

[Dr. Wood ?]

GREAT POEM

i think....and this is just my personal view....that you do not need to mention that you are smoking, it sort of kills the killing poem....I would simply end it with... I'm killing myself Dad...Please forgive me..and leave out...I am smoking

[Ali Riza Kaya]

I don't think that its clear enogh,if I omit "smoking" it would mislead the reader

[Dr. Wood ?]

ok...you know best

[Barbara Walker]

I can identify with this poem. I like how you imagery leads up to the point-"the more I walk the harder it gets, my heart got black, my lungs are stuck, I am killing myself Dad with every breath, my dreams got covered with ash, the life is shorter."

I would suggest changing this line-"my dreams got covered with ash" to" my dreams are covered with ash"

Your intent is clear and I enjoyed reading.

[emmajoy]

What we do to our bodies we do to our souls?

I so appreciate the way y ou've incorporated sm oking with your emoti on - ' My dreams got covered with ash,' but at the same time, can underst and that peo ple need crutches such as smoking to get through stress and pain.

Fine p oem

[Dawnkain]

Ok this ones a little dark but oh so true. This poem is conformation that smoking is gradual suicide. I smoked for 18 years and quit. I am just now after a few months feeling the toxins leave. anyways. good job