But you still have whole of me...

Acrostic

 

 

 

 

 

But… you still have whole of me…

 

 

Between battlegrounds is where I stand,

Unarmed and without any reason to live,

Thirsty for some rain to hit this burning land…

 

 

You gave me a new light every time,

Of which I'm so much missing is your shine,

Unconsciously here I wait for the end of my life…

 

 

Still maintaining a hope for this life is an art,

This endless pain silently kills me every night.

I wonder how you could survive inside of my heart,

Laceration of my feelings I hopelessly need to abide.

Like a piece of paper you are tearing me apart...

 

 

Hollow is my soul and eyes are so wet,

A heart so much empty for which I regret.

Veins still alive with blood which is so cold,

Every tear inside myself I need to hold...

 

 

Wounds of this life won't heal so soon,

Heartless feel with which I belong.

Overcast somewhere I still see my moon,

Lodestar can't even guide my way home.

Evanescently I surrender life of my own…

 

 

Oscillates your presence still on my mind,

Forever I know you'll stay here by my side.

 

 

Misdeed I committed but I'm so amaze to see,

Endlessly here I'm alive but…you still have whole of me…….

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Amanda]

i know how you feel, my friend....though i was the one that left my relationship, i still feel the same way. sometimes, no matter what happens in life and in any relationship, things happen and sometimes not always for the best. for me, it was for the best, even though i feel at times that if things had been different, i would have stayed. i have no regrets only that it didn't work out the way i wanted it to.

i hope that the pain will subside in time, but it is always the best medicine, time is.

nice, but very sad write.....

Always,

Amanda

[.]

Hey Evanescence Lover :P:P

I loved this write, especially those lines:

"Hollow is my soul and eyes are so wet,
A heart so much empty for which I regret.
Veins still alive with blood which is so cold,
Every tear inside myself I need to hold..."

You've drawn a perfect image of your desperation and pain
Well done, great write

[Slender Smile/Husna Tay..]

How could u?
I mean......wow!
How did u do it...?
Its awesome....:)

[Jinx's Heart]

Such a touching and compassionate piece. It remains very sad, but shows amazing strength from your heart. I am just amazed by this awesome writing. A very well written piece. :)

[Kimberly_ eternal dream..]

i realy hav no wrd'z 2 describ hw hw hw beautiful tis poem is!!
already many ppl'z said a loot abt it!!
tis poem'z realy means a million tin'z!
ur choic f wrd'z n d way u presented nt ly attract'd ppl'z hr8 bt go mesmerized wit it!!
n i lik tis line 'Evanescently I surrender life of my own�' n u knw y :P
'm sur, if AMY cum across tis means, she'l personaly say tat she lik'z it!
newyz.. aweeeeesom yar!!

u deserv it all men!

-eternal kim

[Heather Belmont]

Wow, this was a really interesting read! When most writers launch off into the pain of a broken relationship, it sounds more like angry ranting, but this had a sense of...lamenting. You're mourning, but even in the agony, you can't feel hostile towards the one that broke your heart, because you still love her. Brilliant! This connected with me in so many ways...Send me read requests whenever you like! I look forward to the rest of your work!

~ Kim

PS: Thank you for your very kind reviews of my first and second chapter. You have no idea what it means to me (:

[Sam]

Excellent, heart-wrenchingly deep work. I think that the line "Thirsty for some rain to hit this burning land" was one of the most brilliant things I've ever read. In fact, I had to go back and look at it again and again during the course of reading, because it was so attention-grabbing. It's quite a commanding line, with its use of the "self without the self" theme, and very bold, almost abrasive-feeling words talking about something so powerful-yet gentle. The reoccuring "l" words (i.e., Laceration, Loadstar, et cetera) are calming, because the letter is so drawled out and soothing to the mind and/or tongue. And the overall feeling of the "Whole" section and the "Of" section really bring the acrostic to a nice, rounded bravado, without overdoing the sudden onslaught of emotion. Again, fantastic work. Lovely.

Sincerely,
-Sam

[Kelley]

This was a beautiful Acrostic poem and you can tell it meant a lot to you.
great write!!! Thanks for sharing.

Kelley

[Emilee Grimm]

this is an amazing poem i can totally picture it as lyrics to a song. i love it! btw... will you be my friend?

[Brandon]

This presents the feelings most people have in a relationship and most can relate.

Nice writing.

[Poets Soul]

I think many can relate to this poem. It is sad but projects a strong statement. Sometimes that which is the best of us goes away and leaves us dark indeed. Powerful write my friend. ty PS