BETRAYED

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Betrayed…

 

I still remember the time when we were together,

But now like a broken glass everything got scattered.

 

Everything is still in front of my eyes in my reverie,

And I'm still searching for the reason behind your ire.

 

My heart is still mortgaged for you to win this lover's game,

I waited for the day of our victory, which never ever came!

 

I was addicted to you like I was once to nicotine,

Now you're blaming me with such extreme rage as lupine.

 

Our love was so true but by you it was stigmatized,

I fought with the situation but it was all futile.

 

It's the same moonlight tonight but you're with someone else,

I know your heart's now suffering from some malaise.

 

I gave you everything from my heart and my life ,

But now I'm DEAD.....

As in return by you I was broken and betrayed….

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Ahmmmm!! I'm basically still unaware about the reason behind our break up....
And it's been a long time now...but...even life's not back to normal track :( :(

Reviews

[The Mad Prophet]

Very well done, I like the pictures you choose for your stuff. I can relate about being betrayed, but not in the love field (Never loved). But this piece at least I can feel what I should I guess, and make me more paranoid of love. I am truly impresses here, and thank you for finding my group. I hope the piece you entered in my contest gets a lot of votes.

Very well done, very well expressed.

[Jarrai]

Well some parts were kind of blocky, especially the first stanza, where you used "got" as the last word in that line, it really made me cringe. The theme is good, but i feel you were too literal, and the whole thing seems a little forced, as I couldn't detect any rhythm or meter. It's just my opinion, but metaphor works well with this kind of dark theme. It definitely has some potential.

[TamiViolet]

I love everything about this one... the format... the photos... and the
sad but brilliant theme... Betrayal is a kind of death because its like
getting a bullet in the back, especially when we really believe that
we can trust our hearts... I feel for you, my friend, and I hope that
you discover someone that you can love and trust. I know it's
difficult to trust after our heart has been broken. She's out there...
Into my favs.

*hugs*

[ah]

i completely understand this.... it took me 6 months to talk to the girl again and then another 6 months to forget about her lol

[Ruby Moon]

mmm...nice try with the colours but it distracted me from the words
so i had to reread it more then a few times :)

the second picture made me think of the guy being too shocked to collapse or run after the girl
and that it havent sink in that the girl took his heart and was leaving

the flow is too measured to make me think of someone who is "really broken"
more like someone who have healed a little and putting almost everything into this piece little details
so that he dont have to think of that incident and so that he have something to cling on to and not break down
like fussing over the rhyme and measure of it

mmm... i like this sentence the most
"It's the same moonlight tonight but you're with someone else"
it is like the writer is accepting tht fact finally but its not really sunk in
and it has a slight accusing tone... and it is definately one of the stronger sentence in there (for me)...

sorry if i am wrong

[Blackbeats]

Breaking up a relationship is really such a sad and hard thing to happen and even harder is to move on with an everlasting pain, that pain has been beautifully described in this writing of yours. Very sad!

[Amanda]

breaking up with someone you love is never a good thing at best and having to deal with the heartache and pain is always the hardest. i won't say that you will find someone else and that it will get better with time because it won't help right now....i am having the same problem at the moment, as well. to live one day at a time and to move on are the only things you can do and eventually you will forget it.

a very good write...the pictures you used were really good and are quite fitting. good job, Bhavya.

Always,

Amanda

[Valorie J. Shearer]

I love the pictures, and font style you use! I'ts all very effective. I'm sorry for your break up but you are definately learning from it by your writing, and can be quite therapeutic for you as well! Better to be an owner of a lonely heart than a broken one but it takes a long time to heal, and open yourself up again. Most people will tell you you'll get over it or you'll meet someone else, but when it's happening to you, it can feel like no one else in the world has ever felt the same way. It takes time for sadness to go away. Almost everyone thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing - and the heartbreak almost always heals after a while.
When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal. Your friend, Valorie Take care~~~

[Innocent]

Omigod! This is terribly sad. Breaking up an healthy relationship is really such a hard thing to do and even harder is to face the same world and the same person but with the different feel. I foremost loved the ending which is so powerful and sad and even the pic in the end is amazing!

[Roxy]

Both the pictures are going very well with this writing of yours and also the font style and color is so beautiful.
Sad and beautiful writing , right from your heart!

[Golden]

This is another poetry of Bhavya kaushik at his best, writing about lost love and betrayal. But seriously I'm very sorry for you man!