Your visit to my place...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your visit to my place…

 

 

I saw you with a bunch of white roses,

Gates were open and you started coming to me,

You walked and saw all the different crosses.

It was all silence and a real place to be.

 

I saw some thousand tears in your blue eyes,

These deep blue eyes which made me mad,

Now pain gradually started coming in your life.

Even I cried since I never ever kept you so sad.

 

You continued to cry, I asked you the reason.

But you didn't reply, and just cry…

 

 

I asked many questions to you,

But you maintained your silence.

When crying was the only thing to do,

And tears were flowing all over the place.

I discovered that you were still all alone.

 

You were just sitting there and crying,

Wiping tears which were flowing out of your eyes.

Your soul was broken and lost from inside,

Suddenly, even a tear poured out of my eyes…

 

You looked up above the sky,

It was raining without any cloud.

You gathered your broken soul and walked by,

I want you to stay but I never bound…

 

So...After wiping your tears you walked away,

But I want you to be back again.

Since on next month is coming my day,

Hence your days became so mundane.

 

 

 

You walked away and left me alone,

I continued to rest at my place.

I closed my eyes and silently slept,

The place where you cried for hours was my own grave.

 

But I know I'm always there with you in your memories,

Just like that you're here with me with these white roses.

 

And then you walked away…crying…

After visiting my grave…

And thus, this was your visit to my place…

 

Author's Note

This one's written at around 2 a.m ..When I was *trying* to sleep..
So....This one came out of my mind at that mine....

Basically..It is describing the feel and the pain of a girl on visiting her lover's grave..

Reviews

[None]

Your story is the ultimate sad tale. Especially of seeing a loved one cry over you at grave side.
"You walked away and left me alone,
I continued to rest at my place.
I closed my eyes and silently slept,
The place where you cried for hours was my own grave."
Wow, this is extremely haunting and sad. Wonderfully written with such pain.

[Blue Rose]

I think so this is your best piece till date and I feel so small to review such a beautiful write.
I loved the way you end it.
I continued to rest at my place.

I closed my eyes and silently slept,

The place where you cried for hours was my own grave.

AH! beautifully sad

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

A longing and empathetic write for certain - at one's lost love's grave - there can't be anything much worse than that or can there...in any case, this is a powerful poem. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Blackbeats]

This poem comes with an entire shock in the end which is very impressive.
This is according to me your best piece till yet.

[Innocent]

Beautiful! lovely..
I'm out of my words right now.
I mean how can you write such a beautiful piece, It's too good.
Yet I was really confused in the starting of the write but when I came at the end I was like so shocked and then I read it again twice.
too good man!

[Constance]

Lovely, just lovely. I'm glad you entered this one. It speaks volumes, and does not seem to go on too long. You have to wonder, how the departed souls look on our visits of mourning. It makes me think. So, thank you. I'm glad that you entered this in my contest. I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Prose-full]

"Your soul was broken and lost from inside,"-- i love this line...so deep..

be well.....

[THERISA]

It's beautiful, touching all of my heartstrings with it's poignancy and sadness. The two images re-inforce the message that you're conveying to the reader. Thank you for sharing this very touchy poem with us.

Therisa

[Fantasyfairy]

You write with a passion that is rare. It makes the reader feel for your character which is harder to do in poetry. I like you writing. It has a quality about it that feels really nice. Darkness and passion together with vision. XX

[deadlife]

" You gathered your broken soul and walked by "
...
life!

this is life (yes..finally got it, i was thinking what to write but could not get anything better to describe this wonderful piece, though it's contrary to what is being portrait but the essence is life...surely....it's the irony)

a very very deep piece, very well written.

thanks for sharing.

regards,
rupam

[poddar kushal]

this is now stand as your best work yet. you should consider reading more serious poetry to enhance the gift you possess. i specially appreciate"You looked up above the sky,
It was raining without any cloud.
You gathered your broken soul and walked by,
I want you to stay but I never bound�"