Valentines day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

VALENTINES DAY...


I saw some old greeting cards...
having different shapes of your heart...
so..I started tearing them without any last...
yes...I'm tearing them apart..
because its valentines day today...
yes..its valentines day today..
the day when you left me away...


I saw some chocolates which you gave me..
on last valentines day...
Its even not me who messed up that way...
so...I started melting those chocolates..
yes..I'm melting these chocolates...
which you gave me near those college gates...
because...its valentines day today...
the day when you left me away....


I saw some red roses which once I gave you...
when I wanted you to be more than my friend...
as..we already knew each other...
since we were nine or ten...
so...I started crushing those roses...
yes....I'll crush them till they dry as hay...
because..its valentines day today...
the day when you left me away....


I then saw on a page written XXXXX
I felt distressed...as I even don't wanna see your name
Seems like..a black cloud has covered this sky..
and...now..I only and only...wanna die....
so....I started burning that page...
yes..I'm burning it with full rage...
because...its valentines day today...
the day when you left me away...


I just don't wanna breathe this day's air..
as...you are nowhere..you are nowhere
and ..this day itself is tearing us...
yes...its tearing both of us apart....
because..its valentines day...
the day..when you broke my heart...
yes...its valentines day...
the day..when you left me away...

 

 

 

Author's Note

I wrote this piece specially for some person..but then I haven't mentioned her name here...and only wrote a "XXXXX" in place of her name..as according to me...its against the dignity of that girl..!!

please..bear with it..

Reviews

[Brianna Brie]

Hearts ApartJan 13, 2008 - Feb 21, 2008

Please enter this poem in my contest. Distress of love loss and rage show through nicely in your original piece of writing. I like it a lot.

[Amor-de-angel]

I am definately getting the pain through your words, I almost felt the need to rush to the end in the hope it all worked out ok for you.It didn't!
I hope the pain fades soon.

[CarrieLynn {Chameleon A..]

I have been there...it sucks! Very well expressed though :)

[ah]

wow, this is great, i really love this writing, i feel really bad for u, u portrayed ur emotions vividly and greatly, thank u very much for asking me to read, keep writing, great write

[poddar kushal]

well bless that girl. this writing is full of mellow light

[yinseriv]

I liked the meter to this poem. It matched the frantic obsessive action.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

Ha- i actually really enjoyed this! I like how you melted the chocolate and burned the pages and crushed up the roses- it was a unique way of going about this, and almost humorous in it's cute anger... if that makes sense! good job, regardless :)

um, Happy Valentine's Day?? hehe

hugs

[!!..Love..!!]

oh..!! this is so true and such a sad piece, It brought tears to my eyes. I also feel the same, specially at the occasion of valentines day. The way you've described you rage with chocolates, roses and cards is really marvelous.
But why haven't you mentioned the name of the girl. That section is just like incomplete from eyes..

I also loved the way you've ended it

"I just don't wanna breathe this day's air..
as...you are nowhere..you are nowhere
and ..this day itself is tearing us...
yes...its tearing both of us apart....
because..its valentines day...
the day..when you broke my heart...
yes...its valentines day...
the day..when you left me away..."

You are really an awesome writer. Great talent


!!..Love..!!

[Hilarie.Hope]

Quite honestly, I think my favorite part was the picture at the top. lol. It was just great. :]
The poem itself was very good. Only thing I noticed was the multiple-line repetition made it seem more like angsty-teen song lyrics than a poem written by a mature author.
But it was very good, nonetheless.
It was kind of depressing! =[ It made me sad. Which is probably a good thing. It's a sad poem, it's meant to evoke those emotions out of a reader.
So, all-in-all, good job. :]
I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

[Kevin Andros]

Hey man! This is about enough I think! I am very angry at you, personally first of all. We both know what a valentine's day brings for the true lovers. One hates valentine's day who has a past like you. I told you to write something lovely and here you are yet again, doing what you do best, Crying your heart out!

Now let me come to the poem itself as a reader. The each and every lines itself seems screaming out the pain that you have in your heart. The reader will have the mis-conception with the title you put as 'Valentine's day'. I'm sure that you intend to do that coz it works really well. I found that you could have improved you short coming:

I then saw on a page written XXXXX
I felt distressed...as I even don't wanna see your name

Instead of writing XXXXX, you could have instead gone like:

I then saw on the parto of the page that screamed your name
I felt distressed...as I even don't wanna see your name

Or something like that. You know that I'm not very good at poetry. But anyway, I loved your this paragraph more than the earlier ones. This para has a sense of rhyming of its own and has a deeper, darker sense (if it were not enough dark and deep already).

Good writing, but try being cheerful about love the next time! ~KA~

[swarnita]

ohh my gosh..bhavya..u always leaves me.. short of words..
its such an Emotional piece..n.. tears nearly came in my eyes reading it..really..
tremendous work...
-swar