The bull and the bench

A foreigner., A man who doesn't understand him, and a ruined statue. Miscommunication can be funny. Read to find out.

THE BULL AND THE BENCH



Somu’s workshop was located outside the town, on the highway which lead to Mumbai. His work shed was huge- a two hundred by one hundred feet establishment which housed two ovens, five ten feet by ten feet holes to create moulds, and a gallery in the front to display his goods (although most of his sales were custom orders). It was low, long and dingy building, made out of cheap concrete, without any colour on the outside, but soot covered walls on the inside.
Through the gallery of the dingy building, Somu made and sold a variety of metal statutes, varying from deities to the laughing Buddha to even a statue of some Greek god, which someone had ordered but never came to pick up. His works were famous all over the country, and he even exported some orders.
Somu had never really thought that his workshop would end up there, on the outskirts of the town, when he had started his business. Originally, he had established his shop on the corner of the main market (after paying a lakh of rupees for the license). His sales were high for five years. But his fortune wasn’t eternal. An accidental fire, caused by god knows what, burned down most of the shops in the market. A case was filed against him. After paying a hefty fine, he was forced to move the shop to the outskirts of the town, away from any habitation. This affected his business a little. Somu was accused of causing this fire. An enquiry followed. He very narrowly saved his neck by paying a lot of money. He was forced to move shop to the outskirts of the town. He was cut off from his customers. But after some time, business returned to normal, as he was the only statue maker in a radius of 200 miles (and because his statutes were made through a very ancient and secret technique, he often told this lie to his customers).

***

It was a Saturday afternoon, in the middle of summer, when Somu arrived at his work shed. The sun was fiercely beating down on the town. Not many people were outside. The highway was completely deserted. All of his employees were on a holiday, so he had to do all the work alone. They had gone to see some baba’s show that was going on in the town. He started out for his work shed late in the morning, after sleeping for two hours more than usual (he would have slept longer, but for his wife who forced him to get up and go to work). He had received an order for two one foot by one foot statues, a bull and an elephant, both made out of silver, by a customer from Mongolia. He usually didn’t work with silver, but the customer had agreed to pay a lot of money. This made Somu extra careful and absorbed in the making of those statutes. After two days of moving the boys on a whip (although he wasn’t able to some to the shed and had to rely on raju, his best employee), the statues had crossed the most important stage of their making, that was pouring if the main metal into the clay mould. Raju had told him that he had poured the silver into the moulds yester-night. By now, the silver must have cooled down. Somu had told himself that he could chip he clay. Why should he waste time? As soon as he arrived, Somu picked up the cubical clay blocks and brought them outside, heaving and panting, beneath a tamarind tree which grew just outside his establishment. He set down on a bench under the tree’s cool shade.
The bench had a history of its own. It was made of teak. It was long and broad, and resembled a bed more than a bench. When it was new, its surface was covered with vibrant paintings. But time had eroded them away, and now they were almost completely washed away, though if one would examine it carefully, he could see remains of the paintings. For years after his grandfather’s death, the bench was kept inside a store room, where it sat collecting dust. Somu found it accidently during diwali cleaning, and kept it under the tamarind tree. He used it for sleeping on hot summer days under the cool shadow of the tree.
With a chisel and a hammer, Somu slowly started chipping away the clay on one of the blocks. It turned out to be the elephant. Soon, all the clay was removed. Although being smeared with clay, the statue filled Somu with pleasure. A bit of polishing, and it will be ready, Somu thought.
Somu picked up the other statue. He began chipping away the hard clay. A cool breeze started blowing. The hammer striking the chisel made a nice chink-chink sound. As more and more if the clay gave way, he felt that something was wrong. The bull didn’t look right. He started working faster. Soon, he had chipped away all the clay. To his horror, the bull looked like a bull for the most part, but his hind legs were that of an elephant. He could not imagine how the statue could have acquired legs of an elephant. He stood gaping the ruined statue. His thoughts wandered to raju. He must have drunk toddy while preparing the basic statues and the moulds, as Somu wasn’t around (his wife had wanted him to take her to the cinema). That fool must have not realised what he was doing. He cursed raju, and he cursed his wife and he cursed his fate. The raw material alone had cost him ten thousand rupees. He decided that he would fire that drunk fool raju (he also wanted to tell his wife not to ask him to take her to the cinema, but was afraid of offending her, lest he should face her wrath).the raw material alone had cost him ten thousand rupees. In all, he would lose at least twenty thousand rupees. He sat down quietly under the shade of the tree, trying to calm his mind. After a few minutes, he fell asleep on the bench, in the cool breeze.

***

Somu was awoken by a man. The man was big, muscular and burly, and wore grey trousers, a white t-shirt, a hunting jacket and a pit helmet. He looked exactly like a shikari. He was drenched in sweat. He sat up, surprised and angered. Why did all the people have to trouble him? Could no one let him sleep in peace? Somu’s chain of thought was suddenly interrupted by the man, “namaste. My name is max. I am touring your country for quite a while now. I am on my way to Bombay, but my jeep has run out of fuel”, he said pointing to the jeep standing in the middle of the road. Somu sat up on the bench and looked at the jeep which the man was pointing at. “I was wondering if you have some petrol.” Somu sat perplexed on the teak bench. He didn’t understand the foreigner’s language. What could he possibly mean by petrol, touring, Bombay or max? Somu remembered his grandfather’s description of the British policemen- pale skinned and tall and burly (his grandfather was a freedom fighter when he was young). He had heard all kinds of stories about them from his grandfather when he was a child. Could this man be one of those policemen? He was suddenly scared of the man standing before him. Perhaps he was asking about the murder that had happened a week ago (A widow of thirty had been brutally murdered in her own home). There were lots of rumours going around in the town. Somu suddenly said in hindi, “I know nothing about the murder sir. I swear on my wife. I didn’t even know that woman,” while trying to keep a calm look. “Sir, now that you are here, won’t you look at some of the statues I have made?”
Max the British policeman, too, couldn’t understand what Somu was saying. Why did his jeep need to run out of fuel in this desolate, barren land? The funny man under the tree was the only one who was around. What he said seemed nothing but wild gesticulations. Max stretched his spine and looked about once again. Suddenly, he noticed the teak bench the man was sitting on. It was a beautiful piece of furniture to max, a long and broad piece of teak supported by iron stands. It excited him greatly. He gestured towards it.
Somu watched the foreigner expectantly. He hoped that he could divert the man’s attention from the murder (as well as making a little sale too). The foreigner had looked around, which to Somu seemed that he had actually looked at the displays in his shop. Suddenly the foreigner had pointed to something kept besides him. To his surprise, he was pointing the statue of the bull! Out of all the things kept in his shop, the policeman had chosen the ruined statue! How peculiar and stupid these men were, buying a faulty statue. Did he not see that the statue was ruined? Abnormal? Selling this innocent foreigner a ruined statue was not right. But hadn’t this man and his comrades tortured his ancestors and ruled over them like tyrants? And wouldn’t he be preventing his loss by selling it? Then this man wasn’t innocent at all. It was right to cheat this man. It would be a kind of revenge for his forefathers. This thought took root in his mind.
“Oh, this statue sir? I created this by my own hands. It took me a whole year to make it.”
Max was again puzzled by the funny man’s words. He had pointed towards a statue kept on the bench. Must be talking about the bench, he thought. Maybe he means it is as strong as the metal the statue is made from. He said, “Yes, I agree with you. The wood appears to be old but as tough as steel or any other metal. ”
By now, both of the people were just assuming what they wanted to hear from the other. Somu went on ranting about the statue, while the foreigner examined the statue. In reality, the foreigner was actually examining the dull and faded paintings on the bench. “These paintings are beautiful, although they need to be restored. But that can easily be done. I can keep it in the hall, if I move the book shelf and the sofa a little” max said. Meanwhile, Somu went on ranting, “Yes sir, this statue is indeed made from a secret technique. And I am the only person in the whole world which knows this technique”.
Suddenly, max asked the funny man, “How much for this?” while rubbing his fingers against each other to indicate that he was talking about money. Somu understood him. The man was asking the price of the statue. At this thought his eyes brightened. He said “35000 rupees sir” while three fingers in one hand and five in the other, in order to show the quantity he meant. “Oh, whatever may happen, but the symbol for money is always the same across all cultures, countries and languages!” he said to himself.
Max saw the man raising three fingers in one hand, and five in the other. “35000! I wish it were cheaper, but it is worth it.” Max, as an advice from a friend, brought with him around fifty thousand rupees in cash. He now thanked this friend. He quickly walked to the jeep, picked up the cash from the drawer under the dashboard and gave it Somu. Somu was taken aback by the sight of so much cash. “Never mind, I won’t have to pay the tax on this one.” Somu quickly took the money from the foreigner’s hand and deposited them into a cash register placed on a glass slab in the gallery. Suddenly, Somu heard the sound of a motor car. When he looked at the highway, he saw a white ambassador slowing to a stop. Out of it came the accountant.
The accountant was a pot bellied man who moved about all day in his ambassador and managed all the accounts of all the major businessmen in the town. It was rumoured that he had more money than even the local political leaders.

“are, Somu sahib? How are you? And who is this man? I was just passing by, and thought I might see you as well” he said.
“I don’t know who he is, sir. He must be one of those Britishers. Don’t you know their language? You must speak to him”
The accountant followed his advice, and began a conversation with the foreigner. They spoke quickly and in whispers, and Somu couldn’t even get a single word they said. Suddenly, the accountant said to Somu, “His vehicle is out of fuel. I am giving him some motor oil. I always carry some extra motor oil. God knows when one might need it. Oh, I completely forgot. He asks you to pack his goods.”
Somu happily picked up the bull statue and went inside. There, he grabbed a bottle of polish and a brush. It would only take him half an hour to polish him. He started cleaning the statue.
Outside, max had filled his jeep’s fuel tank and was waiting for Somu to come out. After waiting for fifteen minutes, he said, “Never mind, he must be busy. I will load it into the jeep myself.”
After about spending twenty minutes on rubbing and cleaning the statue, Somu heard the sound of a motor car. He quickly went out see if it was the accountant who had gone away. To his horror, the foreigner, the accountant and his teak bench were all gone.
“but, but….” He muttered. “Never mind, I will melt and reuse the silver.”

Author's Note

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