The Night Flower

This my ode to Sylvia Plath.

The tears roll down my cheeks -- to my lips

gracefully falling to my finger tips

the sadness everyone saw

but no one knew

took me far too soon

My children should have saved me

the love in their eyes

I shall not know

I believe it was selfish of me

but I knew no other way to go

O' as the winter leaves

and spring began

I could not bear the flowers

lying to me like some con man

trying to sell me lies I shall not swallow

for I know my true self

and it is hollow

Some say the man slapped me

and beat me down until I was numb

but you will never know the truth

No, not even one little crumb

He destroyed those last entries

and kept them for himself 

placed up high beneath the clouds

on some lonely dusty shelf

As I buried my head deep in the stove

the gas filled my mind

I had to get up and do one last thing

before I left them behind

I made sure they were both sleeping

and left kisses upon their heads

and pitchers of milk and bread by their beds

I hung my head and walked down the hall

where the gas was beginning to spread

I shut the door so tight, locked, no one could get through

Tucking wet towels and cloths under the cracks

so it couldn't get to you

Ach, du. 

Ich liebe dich

Ich vermisse dich

meine Kinder. 

I sang to myself a song

quietly...

I did not want them to wake

the humming eventually turning into drumming

as my heart began to fade. 

Think of me when you grasp your first pen

when you cry those tears of sorrow

at the thought of what could have been. 

I'll miss you my dears but you are safe now

no longer you must fear or sob

my sadness will not be here to weigh you

nor your smile will I rob. 

The lights are getting dimmer now

I think it is time for I to go

just remember I'll be waiting for you

and O' how I loved each of you so. 

I'll be there in the words you write

and all of your perfectly broken rhymes

Each time you think of me I'll...

...be for you

...there

...I'll be

...alright

...you'll be

...O' Nicholas

...Frieda

...liebe

...geschützt

...schlafen

...

...

...

...

O' Mother when you left me

your legacy was never gone

I could always hear your words on record

I played them some days all night long

I don't know what you were feeling

on the day you took your life

I didn't find out until I was 18

the truth felt like a knife

The beauty that surrounded your legacy

followed me everywhere dreadfully

Your attempt to protect us from you

failed incredibly 

My views left askew

truly the world knew more of you 

While you attempted to hide

your soft frowns and quiet cries

I would have taken those somber faces

over no faces at all...

all I ever had was a picture of you

staring off of my wall

You were more than that

you deserved more than that

We needed more than this.

But I digress,

apples don't fall far 

from the tree

and it is here I land

with this rope in hand

wishing to bring you back to me

This world is so cruel, I know

But I still wish to this day 

that you didn't choose to go

O' but Mother, do not despair

I am on my way to you

I'm almost there

One last breath... one last plea

...Ich liebe dich

...in your arms I'll finally be.

Author's Note

I cried while I wrote this. Such beautiful pain... so tragic.

Reviews

[Mother Maggie]

"Ich liebe dich"..."I love you" These three innocent words carry the legacy of sorrow and dispair from mother to daughter and it leaves me wondering, what is it that has caused so much a pain, such an anguish that would lead two generations to that final escape. Love being life...what is it that can strip the power of love and leave it a hollow shell...what is it that leaves a soul in such darkness that it must flee this corporeal plane? Such a tragically sublime poem to raise such questions...

[Jupiter]

Maggie,

You are so beautifully eloquent. Your review is just touching to me. I often wonder the same thing. Some would argue it is hereditary, the depression and predisposition to suicide. But I wonder if that was something Nicholas could just never get over.

I love your thought provoking questions. They definitely made me think and stirred something within me. Thank you.

Jupiter

[OBWhiteHawk]

I can tell you were crying when you wrote this lovely and moving poem. It comes through very clearly and made me feel your pain (or maybe it's my own pain?) so strongly. I love the inclusion of German phrases it reminds me of how our people will throw in a Navajo word or phrase too.
I just re-read this with the thought of Ms Sylvia Plath being the subject. I felt totally what you were trying to accomplish and what you succeeded at so well.

[Jupiter]

Thank you, OB. I love that you included "or maybe it's my own pain?". It is strange how someone else's pain becomes your ache and makes you think, is that ache really deep down your own? The pain may be from what you read, but I always wonder if the deeply touching things, the ones that really get to you, are just an outlet for your tears.

Jupiter

[Harrisen Viator]

Wow. I wrote a comparison essay that included Plath's "Mirror" this semester, and wow you blew down doors with this poem. I could feel the emotion in every line.
The very last line from Sylvia's perspective was so sad it just killed me, I could feel every ounce of love within those lines.

Then when you started the next half from her child's perspective. That moment was when it all hit me. How the affect of finding out that your mother killed herself when you were a child. This was such a sad, yet beautiful poem. Wonderfully done.

[Jupiter]

Harrisen,

Do you have that posted? I'd love to read that. I'm glad it made you feel something. Her story overall just truly moves me. I think some of us have all thought about suicide at one point or another. And while I usually get angry at their selfish nature, for some reason, I just felt the pain in this one.

I never knew her son committed suicide until right before I wrote this poem. That really got to me. It definitely inspired me.

Thank you for your wonderful review.

Jupiter

[Robin]

Omg! Silent....................... You know without me saying that you nailed a good one here.

[Jupiter]

Thank you so much, Robin.

Jupiter

[Bloom]

Such a wonderful poem. Amazing.

[Jupiter]

Thank you, Bloom.

Jupiter

[s y e]

OMG! I cried too, this was so touching and emotional. A lovely, heart touching tribute.

Well done.

[Jupiter]

Noodlehead,

I'm glad this could move you too. Sylvia Plath's work and life are truly inspiring.
Thank you.

Jupiter

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and the woman for whom ted left sylvia...died the same way sylvia did...and took her and ted's 4 year old daughter with her. yes, not far from the tree...

i think you really captured her and nick well in this poem--

i did my masters thesis on sylvia plath and anne sexton---next to dickinson, plath is my favorite poet...

she was so intense in her poetry and so troubled...she always told her mother, who wanted her to write about happy things, that people wanted to read from someone who had been there and felt the worst.

you captured her.

jacob

[Jupiter]

Jacob,

Yes, that is so very true. What an odd coincidence, no? It left many rumors about Ted's alleged abusive nature.

I will be honest and say I don't know much of Dickinson's work. I suppose I have some reading to do. Any suggestions?

I did not know that quote to her mother. That is very heartbreaking but beautiful.

Thank you for a great review, Jacob. This is definitely my proudest work.

Jupiter

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you mean plath not dickinson right?

i would suggest "lady lazarus" "daddy" as two of her best....and "mirror"

but anything by her...really good stuff.

[Jupiter]

Oh no, I meant Emily Dickinson. I haven't read much of anything by her. I am very familiar with Plath. "Daddy" and "Mad Girls Love Song" being my favorite.

Jupiter

[jacob erin-cilberto]

in that case, anything by dickinson....

a few of my favorites are: "i felt a funeral in my brain" "death in the opposite house" "i heard a fly buzz when i died" and "because i could not stop for death"

she loved using apostrophe and writing about death from that perspective of the dead person.

good stuff. she is my favorite. Plath a close second.

[M Chavan]

Extremely touching...

[Jupiter]

Thank you, M.

Jupiter

[unsavable_soul]

This piece is down right SERENDIPITY.
Truly in the way you relive the events and ideas between Sylvia and her son Nicholas, the emotion, the fading thoughts of a mother as the gases begin to steal her consciousness. I feel Sylvia would feel honored by such work in line with her own confessional poetry. Such profound subject you have found, for a writing community this piece to me I dare say is epic. The greatest of the sum of all my works in a lifetime fail to come close to this. (Only in opinion as you are your greatest judge) I dare call this potentially your Magnum Opus, but I believe this to will fall short in the end of such a title as I only see your work growing by leaps and bounds.
Blessed be the mind to receive your final collection when that day comes, for I think the world will have need of one such as yourself and your art... I beg you at the least never refer to it as less than pure art.
Sincerely
Christopher

[unsavable_soul]

p.s. I hoped you would do me the honor of placing this in my library please?

[Jupiter]

Christopher,

Of course. You placing it in your library would actually be doing me the honor, thank you.

This piece started out emotional but simple. I had some constructive criticism from my partner that was invaluable and it really made the piece. It almost all the portions you speak of. I am very honored you think Ms. Plath would enjoy this piece. I would like to think she would. I tried to write through her, if that makes sense. I read a lot of her work and biography before I began.

You are too kind, Christopher. Your words truly touch me and mean more than I can express, thank you.

Jupiter

[unsavable_soul]

You earned it,
I don't give, you achieve.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Bri]

This made me cry, too. So beautiful. This also reminds me of the holocaust. I actually met a holocaust survivor today and the emotions I it from his story and this poem are similar.

[Jupiter]

Bri,

Wow. That is amazing. Thank you for this.

Jupiter