Empty Bottle

My dealings with an alcoholic and low self-esteem

Your words slander 
                my heart. 

Cutting into me 
like a jagged knife. 

I tell you 
                I love you… 
you’re my husband, 
my meaning, 
my life. 

You just look away from me, 
forsaking me 
                my words, 
 ignoring my pain. 

 Just to grab another drink 
to drown 
your sorrows in. 

Why do I stay here and live this way? 

Because just as you think nothing of me… 
                 I 
                think nothing of myself.  

Reviews

[Angi]

All I did was substitute 'husband' for 'father' and I was right there with you. I love the last sentence. Perfect ending.

[Jupiter]

Thank you so much, Angi. And I am sorry you had to experience that. At least in my situation I could have always left (though I didn't). I suppose you can "leave" your father but that is a completely different beast. I hope things are well for you.

Jupiter

[Angi]

Oh, I didn't leave him, he left me...with unfinished business. Ahh well, his ghost and I are learning to live together now. Have you seen my work titled, 'Whiskey?' It is only 4 lines, but it speaks volumes to me. I hope you have a beautiful night.

[Bri]

Nice job :) In my opinion, the best kind of writing is when the readers are able to feel what the writer was feeling when writing this. You definitely did a great job of making your thoughts and feelings reach out to the reader :)

[Jupiter]

Thank you, Bri!

[Harrisen Viator]

Such emotion, I can feel the pain, hurt and over all melancholy in this poem. I can't see anything about it that you need to improve upon, it's a good piece and you do a very good job displaying emotion.

Lines 5-13 especially hit hard, and leave me feeling saddened for the state that you two are in. I have to commend you for opening up like this to a bunch of strangers, it would be difficult.
I do have to agree with other reviewers though, "like a jagged knife" seems a little cliche, but sometimes those cliches are perfect ways to describe how we feel.
Wonderfully done!

-Harrisen

[Jupiter]

Oh, Harrisen. I miss you :( I doubt you will get this but please come back or email me or something.

Jupiter

[unsavable_soul]

I simply choose to say this is a beautiful work...
reason is I my self am the alcoholic metaphorically speaking, in this piece.
Definitely food for thought.
Thank you as always Jupiter.
Sincerely
Christopher

[Jupiter]

Metaphorically speaking? How so? Just curious.

Thank you for your always kind words, Christopher.

Jupiter

[unsavable_soul]

I say it because I drink, used to do so too much. They say once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. I don't drink any where like I used to, so I tend to think i am not a full blown alcoholic.
Chris

[TLK]

The simile of 'jagged knife' is a little familiar, which reduces the searing pain of 'slander my heart'. Those three words pack a real wallop.
I wonder if those words are actually, in a metaphorical way, worse than a jagged knife cutting into you. To me (as the child of an alcoholic) this has more emotional truth.

[Jupiter]

Thank you, TLK. I will take that into consideration. You are probably right and the term "jagged knife" undermines the "slander my heart". I appreciate your feedback.

Jupiter

[OBWhiteHawk]

So sad and mad all at once. I love the way you laid this out it makes the words even more powerful. I hope you get some self-esteem and start thinking more highly of yourself. :)

[Jupiter]

This means a lot WhiteHawk (sorry, I don't know your name). I say that because I really admire your work, so I appreciate this comment even more. It is a long road to the wonders of self-esteem, but I am trying.

[OBWhiteHawk]

My name is Obidiah but I go by OB for short. My last name is Whitehawk. I really admire your work, so I guess we are even there! I agree self-esteem is a long road, a journey. At least you are on that path, right?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i had an ex who is alcoholic...in recovery, but...that personality was there..

hated herself, so couldn't understand how anyone could love her. and she lashed out often...i understood why, but it still hurt greatly.

[Jupiter]

You are very wise, Jacob. I am sorry for the hurt you have been through. My husband is now in recovery as well. He has a lot of demons to deal with but after all of that... so do I.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

An indept look at the horrid addiction, well done, good read.

[Jupiter]

Thank you, Thomas!